Having Friends Who Are Much More Attractive Than You

Wow this post is gonna be dumb. There is always someone more attractive than you, but ehhhh who cares, I like to write and post junk that make me look stupid anyway.

Alright Alright Alright how do I say this? Let's be straight forward here. I'm not gay, but I'm not gonna lie, I have some pretty darn attractive friends hahaha and trust me they know it too.

C'maaan boys you know what I mean, we all have those bros who take a damn 45 minutes to blow dry and comb their hair and another 5 minutes just gazing into the mirror touching up their hair with their finger tips. I'm serious.

And my other friends(I guess you could say who aren't as attractive) and I will always joke around and make fun of them for taking longer than a girl to get ready to go out. Sometimes they'll take that long and we won't even be going out!

It was all fun and games until the tables turned on me one time and had me just wondering and wondering..

Ok I'm a firm believer that looks and attractiveness can have a huge factor on where you are from, location, etc. Noooooo I'm not saying that people from Montana(where I'm from) are ugly, I'm just saying that it SEEMS as if Texas has wayyyyyy more attractive people. Attractive people everywhere, many more than Montana for sure. Men and Women. Yeah yeah it's an opinion, but an opinion that can easily be seen as a fact.

Anyway back in high school I never really worried about how attractive I was. It was always 50/50 with girls I had crushes on. They either liked me or didn't like me. They either thought I was attractive or not attractive. Everyone has different preferences right? Lol I had my fair share of action that make me realize and not worry about how "attractive I am."

It's only when you realize your OWN FRIENDS or people around you are competition, that you start worrying about your looks and complexion and if you're "good enough." You start comparing yourself to your peers. But luckily my best friends and I were too good of friends to do that and sometimes took it as a light joke.

I remember one time back in middle school my best friends Kollin, Rafael, and I went around asking girls to rate us on our looks. We usually got around the same rate, until one time a cute girl told me I was a 10 and I just couldn't stop smiling, it made me so happy. It made me happy that my friends and I were around the "same attractiveness" if that makes any sense? Maybe not? C'maaaan you know what I'm talking about. 

You never had to worry about your friends being too attractive, or sometimes even too unattractive as well. With us we were around the same level

Don't play dumb. Be real. You KNOW if someone is more attractive then you. Use your eyes lol.

Ok ok, what I'm trying to say is that back in High School and Montana I never had to worry about my friends(or even people I didn't like) stealing a girl from me or making a girl like them instead of me. I had no "competition" because there was less people there compared to Texas. Trust me, there were guys in my class who were more attractive than me, but they weren't "over the top, crazy attractive." You know what I mean? If a girl liked me, it was because she liked me and was attracted. If she didn't like me, it was simply because she didn't like me, or wasn't attracted to me and I was absolutely fine with that. I got the success by approaching first and just making the move before the other guys.

Until I moved to Texas.

Competition everywhere! Pretty girls everywhere! Pretty boy + Pretty girl = Pretty couple. If you're attractive you deserve to be with someone attractive correct!? Just plenty to choose from! Never ending beauty.

I'm not saying my high school friends weren't attractive, haha of course they were. But I'm speaking real, REAL, STRAIGHT UP talk here. They simply weren't as attractive as some of the friends I made here in the south. I'm serious. But I just have to be honest. Texas is a wide variety, and Montana is well....country with not many people.

I just don't know how to write and explain this post without looking like a jerk, GAHHHHH this is so hard!

Ok, real stuff here. It's wrong to do this, but do it with me anyways. Look yourself in the mirror. Now think of 5 friends of yours. Now rate each of you on a scale 1-10, I know so immature and wrong right? You're correct.

What I'm saying here, is that I have a variety of friends. Friends that are attractive and friends that may, I dunno, need some work perhaps? Lol, I dunno! 

They were either more or less attractive than me, but it wasn't a huge difference. One particular high school friend of mine, Brauk, who was a grade below me, was always turning ladies heads. Good looking guy, he knew it too, but never boasted. In fact he would introduce me and take me under his wing sometimes. See this is the kind of friends you want hahaha.

Ok here's an example so I don't sound like an idiot jerk who doesn't know what he's talking about. Back in high school I was more confident with girls and people because I wasn't around a guy who was wayyyyy more attractive then me. I was confident in my looks. And if I happened to be around a guy much better looking than me(like Brauk) it was because I simply got along with him and was a good guy.

Now it's a different story.

I have a friend named Jay(he's ok with me writing this, I asked permission). But this kid, is the most SELF ABSORBED PRETTY BOY you'll ever meet. He's attractive don't get me wrong, and he KNOWS he's attractive. He'll let you know he's attractive too lol. That's how good looking he is, he doesn't even care I'm writing this. He's the guy who'll be on snapchat daily taking tons of selfies and taking 30 minutes to choose the right Instagram filter. "Yoooo you should tell the girls who read your blog and follow you on IG to hit me up yoooo." he would tell me.

The difference between him and my other attractive friends here in Texas is that my other friends are surprisingly pretty insecure even though they're attractive! Or perhaps they're just living life and not worrying about it, but yet they don't boast or realize the fact that they were born good looking. But hey, that's why I'm friends with them in the first place, not looks, but just because of who they are and we get along well.

Ok sorry, off topic.

You want to know something funny? The first time I met Jay was at the library my second year of college. There was this extremely cute girl sitting alone. "Ok ok ok, just talk to her. You have nothing to lose." I was literally having a 3 minute debate with myself about whether if I should talk to her or not lol. Texas definitely made me more insecure, not gonna lie. Too many good looking guys who will beat me to the "prize" lol.

Right as I suck it up and stand up to talk to her, she gets up and walks towards JAY. She APPROACHED and INTRODUCED herself to Jay, who was a couple tables away from her. My jaw just dropped opened for a good minute. I saw and heard the whole thing. "Yeah well maybe we'll see each other around sometime Jay" she said smiling. "Yeah yeah sure thing, hey you got an Instagram?" he asked. "Yeah! But here, I'll give you my number too." she said smiling. 

My heart just dropped at that. I just stood there dumbfounded. How rare is it that you see a HOT white chick, go up to an attractive Indian dude? Dude I dunno, I'm asking you guys hahaha.

She left and I just stood there, I think my mouth was still open. Obviously he saw me, so Jay stood up and talked to me, "Yooooo you see that bro? Hell yeah!" We became friends after a while of chitchat. He was a cocky boy, but I like the guy haha.

We would hangout every once in a while. Mall, around the college, just simple stuff. Jay was such a flirt too and always THRIVED on looking good. Every. Single. Damn. Day. His motive was ALWAYS picking up girls. That's all he ever wanted to do. "Yooooo boy give me a shoutout on your IG, I want cute chicks to follow me yoooo." Everywhere we'd go he would get cute girls, and I would just watch from the side. And when I would try, which was at very rare times, it would be so awkward. I'll explain on another blog post I'm working on lol.

Cheyenne Fuller

"Girls like a man who can clean up." said Jay gazing into his selfie camera fixing his hair. I just rolled my eyes, geez he looked like an Indian king or something. 

It depends on the day I wanna have confidence or not. This one particular day I was feeling good, hair combed, nice clothing, smelled fantastic, I felt good. Pretty girl at the mall. I was with Jay. "Ok ok, I'm going to talk to her." It's been a while since I talked to a random girl. "You want me to come with you?" he asked. "Nooooo I'll be fine" I said. No way he was gonna ruin my chances, because it was obvious she would find him more attractive than me.

I approached her and started a conversation. It was going great until.... "Yeah so maybe we can hangout sometime it'll be fun" I said, monotone as ever. "Yeah sure thing, let me get your number." she said. Jay was a couple feet away, just watching the whole time. "Hey is that your friend over there?" she asked me. I really, really, really, REALLY wanted to say no. "Uh yeah, yeah that's him." I said, my confidence dropping. "Well tell him to come over here! He can hang with us too!" she said all happy and stuff. She waved her hands to him and motioned him over. 

In fact he ended up getting her number too.

Reasons like this is why I don't talk to random girls hahaha. And the fact that Jay is only 18 and around two years younger than me and the girl made me feel funny for some reason.

It really hit me when one evening he got REAL dressed up and wanted to take a load of selfies and pictures, and I looked like crap, but did it anyway. He sent them to a girl he was texting(could of been multiple.) "Dammmnnn babe, you're a 10." she would respond to him. "Yeah? What do you think of my friend?" he asked, smiling at me all weirdly as he texted it. "Uhhhh I dunno...like a 4?" she responded.

BRUH.

You wanna know what's a confidence killer? When a girl rates you a 4 or under. Yeah, it's brutal.

"Daaaaammmmnnn boy she only think you a 4!" he started joking. "Hey! Some girls think I'm attractive too ya know!" I said, trying to protect myself. "Psssshhhhh." said Jay. Guess at the time I didn't really have any evidence to back that up lol.

"Boy I am a 10 though. Girls say it all the time. What do most girls think about you?" he asked all pompous like. Real stuff here. It was always windshield wiper rates from girls throughout middle school, high school, and college. I never cared, unless I had a cute girl haha. I wouldn't know for sure. I'm a second year college student. I don't ask girls to rate me lol. But I've had enough experience with girls to not worry about this stuff. Like I said, preferences, preferences, preferences.

It's not just Jay.

One time my friends Jonathon and Isaac were hanging out in Starbucks and, this girl across from us at a table kept staring and smiling at Isaac. Finally, as she is about to leave the coffee shop, she approaches us.....but only starts a convo with Isaac, as Jonathon and I just look at each other. They ended up exchanging numbers.

"Sure pays to look like Channing Tatum huh?" I said. We both laughed it off. Even Isaac laughed. "I didn't even know she was smiling at me! I thought she was smiling at you!" he said to me. "Surrrrreeee." I joked.

Cheyenne Fuller

There's no lesson to this post, I just thought it was funny and something some people could relate too. Always used to being the guy who is getting the action and your friend being the one watching from the sideline, or it could be the other way around.

It's hard. Obviously first impressions are key, but once you take the initiative to talk it could change the person's opinion about you. I'm a firm believer that my past success with girls is because of my personality, NOT my looks. Not gonna lie though, as long as I'm with a good looking bro hanging out, guess I'll just have to stand and watch him get the action lol.

But in all seriousness, life too short to even worry about little stuff like this. It's all just fun memories to look back on.

Haha! After I write all this I realize how silly this post is! What's even sillier is that I also think it's never the girls fault that she isn't attracted to you. I blame it on all attractive guys that they compare you too and realize they can be with them instead of you. All you men gotta quit being good looking and give us 4 out of 10 boys a chance lol. Am i right? Or amirite?

Lol thanks for reading fam. Just kidding, quit saying fam.

Cheyenne Fuller

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Penny Collection Savings

I've always loved money and hated spending it. I'd get a $20 bill for my birthday and I'd just stare at it. Just looking at money makes me happy.

When I was 12 years old I started my own penny savings. Every time I'd find a penny it would go into a 24 oz jar of mine. Once it seemed as if there were more than $2.00 worth of pennies in the jar, I would count up 200 pennies and then throw them into a huge empty water gallon jug. I've  been doing this for almost 8 years now and I have 3 huge gallon jugs of pennies, all pennies.

The quest to this uncompleted accomplishment has been a funny one.

One time I went to the gas station and bought a burrito. My change was 2 pennies. There happened to be no pennies in the cash register, unless the cashier opened up one of those rolls of change.

It took her a while to find it AND open it. "Haha geez these 2 pennies must be a pretty big deal to you huh?" she said sarcastically, and slightly in an irritated tone. "Hell yes they are." I said holding my ground. There were 4 people behind me just muttering, stuttering, and sighing because she was taking too long with the rolls. Geez it was like 30 seconds.

"Dammn boy c'maw naw, ya'll don't need deez 2 ass pennies, ya'll be spendin on what now?" I forgot to mention that this was down in Downtown Dallas, the less high class area. I couldn't understand half the words he was saying.  "Change is change, I'm gonna get my change alright?" I shot back. "Psshhhhh ya'll flippin. Pennies nigga. Pennies nigga." "I need to get out of here." I said to myself, I was close to laughing actually.

Back in high school my classmates knew about my penny collection and found joy in throwing pennies out the window of the track bus, just to watch me leap out and pick up multiple ones with joy and a good laugh

The motive is hopefully an ancestor kind of thing. When I'm a father I'll give it down to one of my children. There is always that one child that will be more interested in this kind of thing than the other child. And when they have kids, it'll be passed down to them as well and so on. It'll be a LOT of pennies, but I think it would be cool. It would be special for me. To know that I started something like this. I'm gonna make it happen. It'll be fantastic. I know it's a little ridiculous and childish but I think it's cool.

Thank you. Thank you for reading lol.

Cheyenne Fuller

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Getting Engaged And Married At A Young Age

This is it. That early 20s, not a teen anymore stage that everyone is in. Growing up. We don't have to grow up ya know. There's still time ahead of us.

You found love. You're getting married. The biggest day of your life. The highlight reel of all your memories. Giving you chills and just crying, but it's good crying. Crying of joy and happiness......

If it all doesn't go well though, it could be cries of horror and sorrow. Referring to divorce and other influences that may ruin a relationship. But eh who knows the future?

ETERNITY. You're going to spend ETERNITY with this person. Well in better words, your whole life with them, until you die haha.

I just can't help it. Every time I see a friend or acquaintance with a engagement, pregnant, or married announcement on social media, I will judge. I will immediately go creep on their pictures and make assumptions haha. "Dang never thought she'd end up with him." "Naaaaaaahhhhh man you coulda done much better." "WHAT!? They've only dated for 2 months!" "Dude, dude, dude, check this out, remember that one girl? She's only 19 and she's getting married cause she's pregnant!"

Geez when I get married I will not announce it on social media, that's for sure. Just tell important people. This one girl announced engagement on Facebook and some fool commented "327 likes?! This guy must be a keeper!" I wanted to go through the computer screen and slap him a couple times. Love and marriage shouldn't be a popularity contest.

Sometimes I feel the choice of people getting married isn't 100% purely based on just loving them. All your friends may be married and you feel left out, you think you know what you want, but you really don't, some people just like attention and want to SHOW everyone that they're "in love." It's false love in my opinion if you have to prove your love with someone to other people on social media, etc. Sounds ridiculous but I'm serious.

There's a reason. A reason for the timing in proposal and marriage. It just seems right. Everything seems to come into place and just fit.

Isn't love and marriage the point of life? What else could you possibly want? Love. To be with someone attractive that you love. There is NO better feeling. I mean I guess as long as you're happy. But doesn't happiness require love? I look at marriage as the definite high point of life. YOU DID IT! You have your loved one and now you go on to complete the second half of your life. There's a first half, which is you experiencing different people and figuring things out and then there's a second half which is you finding the loved one and sharing your lives together.

The first half is hard, you don't really know if this person is for you. You get to know them and share experiences with them. It's a bumpy ride though. Break-ups, being cheated on, trust problems. People start to have second thoughts and doubts. But my lord the second half I'm assuming is worse. A bumpier ride. STILL the possible consequences of being cheated on, financial problems, children, housing, finding time, and REALLY. AND I MEAN REALLY. Truly finding out who they are. But hey, in the end it's all worth it, if it works out of course.

I've always dreamed of getting married young. Ever since I was 12 years old I kept telling myself 24 will be the age. The age I stand up in front of the altar with my wife. She's absolutely gorgeous in her white dress, her beaming eyes, and beautiful smile. "You may kiss the bride." Goosebumps all over me and just a powerful feeling through my body. I've always wanted kids too. Four. Four is a lot. But my dad had four and I just want to prove that I can be a better father than he ever was. The best father ever. I want to be young enough to play basketball with my children, eat ice cream with them, go to movies, tell them my experiences, read them my blog, and have them grow up to be wonderful people. To have them learn from my mistakes.

But something is telling me it won't happen, because in a few years I WILL BE 24 years old.

"These people are fools for getting married young. They don't really know what they want in life." One of my co-workers told me.

Maybe they've got it ALLLLL figured out. A plan. They just fell in love and this is it, it's all you've wanted. It's all we want. What's life anyways? You're born. You be happy. You grow up. You find love. You combine love and then you create love by passing it on and then you die. Correct? It's not exactly about the money? Is it? Life isn't about money right?

"Yo it ain't that easy bruh, these younglings think they got it all figured out. Just because their FAMILY got the money to help them out with this marriage stuff, don't mean they got it figured out. Getting married too quick or too young increases the chance of divorce. DIVORCE. You forgot about that right? Do you TRULY love this person? Or are factors such as environment, peers, people, family, or experiences just influencing your decision to marry this person. Maybe you're choosing this person simply because you're tired of being alone. You're tired of waiting and watching others get married. Listen I know there are tons of young married couples who get through it fine, and that's fantastic! But then again, there are many who don't. The ones who get married too quick."

My friend Joe said that.

I thought to myself. Alright well what's too young anyway? Whoever said the average 30 year old is smarter than the 20 year old? Or more stable? Or more ready? Where's the statistics to prove that? Not true. Ahhh I found the problem!! Whenever young couples get a divorce, people involved with their lives always try to blame it on age, but the real reason may just be timing or pure foolishness. Foolishness is in every age.

"You barely know him. You dated him for 3 months. 3 months. Is 3 months enough to learn every single thing you want to learn about someone. Perhaps you don't want to take the time? You know what you want.

Haha it's funny. Recently, when I'm not working, I've been spending my free time watching "The Secret Life Of The American Teenager" on Netflix. It's a series about a girl named Amy who gets pregnant at 15 and eventually gets engaged. She in a way influences the engagement because she's afraid Ricky(the father of the baby) will cheat on her. 2 other high school students, Ben and Adrian, get married because Adrian has a unexpected baby. Although they barely know a thing about each other and are 17 years of age. They choose to marry because they feel it's the "right thing to do." But they don't actually love each other. Same with Ricky and Amy. They love each other because of their experiences together, but they don't actually LOVE each other. Does that make sense?

Lol, it's a pretty false and unrealistic show, but like McDonald's, I'm lovin it.

Annnyyyyywaaayyyy. Why do I always get off topic?

"Dude maybe they get married fast because it lowers the chance of them getting cheated on." Sounds pathetic, perhaps a valid point though.

"Ah shut up. We all know relationships revolve around money. 98% of the time. Lord bless the 2% of love relationships. Marriage involves money. Tons of money. Damn why does every situation have to involve money?"

"What's marriage anyways? Two people sharing their lives together, sleeping together, making love, and being happy together? What if they don't commit? What if it doesn't work out? It all goes down hill from there."

Let's say two 19 year old high school dropouts living with single parents with low income are absolutely in love. High School, Middle School, Elementary School sweethearts. Known each other their whole lives, been through almost everything together. They want to get married. Are they going to get married? Sure they can. Would it be SMART for them to get married? Probably nahhhh...

What about two high class college students? Have both of their parents and high income. They've known each other for 3 months and are in love. They want to get married. Are they getting married? Sure they can. Would it be SMART for them to get married? Well. I guess they are the only ones who should answer that question huh? It's not an automatic no because they have MONEY. It all comes down whether they are ready to make this lifelong commitment.

It's just different life situations. We can't all have a happy beginning and a happy ending. "LiFE AinT NO LOvE StoRY Boi!"

That's it. It's sad. Time of love and marriage is highly influenced by MONEY. Marriage at a young age, in my opinion, has nothing to do with age.

You're not an idiot are you? I wanna slap those guys and girls who talk about their relationship problems and say this: "Well I just don't know if I'm in love with him or not." If you say that, then you're not in love. You must know. Your life and happiness counts on it.

C'maaaaan don't let money influence your life and who you love. But who am I kidding?

The percentage of girls that will marry who they love despite him being as broke as a hobo, is absolutely low.  The 2%! The girls who do it are true woman though. I'll just say that. True love. What a risk to take!

Nooooo I'm not saying nowadays girls are GOLD DIGGERS, but woman want a sense of security, to know that they shouldn't have much to worry about. They will be in love, happy, and financially stable. BOOM. That's life right there. How can you blame a girl for wanting that?

Alright I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't make this post as interesting as I wanted to. Let me just say this. This is coming from my own mouth. Before you get married, before you "fall in love with your perfect man or woman", before you share your life, belongings, and EVERYTHING you have with this person....

There is no such thing as "the one." I don't believe in the "We were brought together for a reason." or "It was destiny, we were meant to be." NONSENSE. Whatever happens, happens. A person is a person. That person is attractive. You get along with that person. You guys like each other. That's it. It's simple. There is tons of attractive people. There are tons of people you will get along with. There are tons of people you will like.....

But what influences who you choose? When you get deep into it, money is a huge factor. Security. Admit it. It's the tie breaker. What makes someone more special than the other person? Something girls like to say lol, "UGH!! The little things he does that just make me go WILD :)))!!" There's always little things you'll like about different people. But who knows, maybe it is the little things, maybe it is more complicated than money. Psssh what do I know?

Now that I think about it, marriage at a young age isn't a big deal at all. If you have money. Marriage and love is good. It's the point of life.

Don't get me wrong, it's not all about money. Some really rich couples get divorced simply because money actually gets in the way, or because they're too busy working. Not truly in love....

If you're not financially stable you just wait. Be smart I guess. It's not about age people. It's about whether you love really them or not, whether you're happy with them, whether it's the right time or not. And if you're truly in love, truly happy, and the timing just feels right, then why not?

Sometimes the reason we judge and make assumptions about other people's lives is because we're questioning our own lives. Let people live. If they marry and live happily, then that's fantastic. And if they marry and get divorced, then that's too bad. You'll never know what could've happened if you took the different route. It is what it is, not everyone's love life can be a fairy tale.

"You'll never know what could've happened if you made a different decision than your current one. So go on. Do it. Take your chance. But is it a wise one?"

Cheyenne Fuller

Thanks for reading.

Cheyenne Fuller

https://www.instagram.com/kingofawkward23/
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Music Mondays #3 (Indietronica Mix) November 2015

Indietronica, or also maybe known as synthpop, indie dance, electronic, I dunno, what do I know? It's probably my favorite genre of music honestly because it has such a wide range of artists and the sound and rhythms that don't always have to sound the same, when you listen to a new song from this genre you automatically don't know what to expect. Does that make sense?

This is going to be my favorite playlist I create for you guys so far so I really hope you enjoy it, it's going to feature some of my favorite indietronica artists such as Dirty Vegas, Cardiknox, and The Knocks. It'll have a indie dance, experimental, chillstep, atmospheric, summery feel to it. So it'll make you relax, i dunno? lol.

Most artists you probably won't know, but that is the point of the music part of my blog, to introduce you to new music. They're fantastic.

Adam Snow- Meghan's Theme

Cardiknox- Doors
Delerium- Glimmer ft. Emily Haines

Dirty Vegas- Setting Sun

FMLYBND- Where Is My Mind

Ghost Beach- Close Enough ft. Noosa

Juun- When It's Alright ft. Sam Smith
The Knocks- Classic ft. Powers
LA+CH- You Are My Summer ft. Coleman Hell & Jayme
M.I.A- Y.A.L.A
MNDR & Sweet Valley- Do It Everyday
MO- Glass
The Naked And Famous- Hearts Like Ours
Porter Robinson- Divinity
RAC- Falling Hard ft. Madi Diaz
Sombear- Incredibly Still
Sound Remedy- Victory ft. Evvy
TroyBoi- On My Own ft. Nefera
WIN WIN- Been So Long
The Young Professionals- All Of It But Me ft. Anna F. (NEUS Remix)

Thanks for reading and listening, make sure to check out the rest of these artist's songs, another reason this playlist rocks, these artists are incredibly talented and deserve more viewers. Make sure to follow my blog and lookout for the December playlist, it'll be a Indie Rock, Indie Pop, Psychedelic playlist, so stay tuned. Haha alright, thanks and have a fantastic week.

Cheyenne Fuller

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Getting Caught Stealing At Target And Confronting A Lady For Stealing At Kroger

It's been 5 months now since my night shift job at Kroger, I'm not going to get deep into that because I mentioned the details on a blog post a couple weeks back, but anyways it's easy, boring, tiring, etc. The fact that I work from 11:00 p.m. to 5:00 a.m. and then have college classes beginning at 8:00 a.m. doesn't make me a very upbeat person either hahaha.

Blah blah blah, ok sorry enough boring crap, let's get to the point. Nothing exciting goes on at this job. my motive is, "Ok finish your pallets of grocery as fast as you can and get the hell outta here so you can get some sleep before class." I'm not worrying about what others do. The store closes at 1:00 a.m. so I still have to deal with customers the first 2 hours. So now it all starts.

OK EVERYONE! STORY TIME!(: Grab your hot chocolate, your pillow, your candy, your alcohol, whatever it is, cuddle in bed, and get comfortable because this is gonna be a good one.

October 13th, 2015. Around 12:00 a.m. here at Kroger. It was just me and 3 other workers tonight and there was TONS to do. "Hey Cheyenne do you think that lady over there can use your phone? She locked herself of her car, her phone is in there and I forgot mine." said the tall kid who works at the desk. I've seen him for 5 months now and I still don't know his damn name. "Yeah sure thing." I said, not trying to sound annoyed. I took my headphones off, dropped what I was doing and we walked over to her. She was actually quite pretty, looked like she was in her mid 30s and was dressed very well.

"Hey he's gonna let you use his phone." said the tall dude pointing at me. "Hey here you go." I said handing her my phone. "Ugh thank you so much, I just don't have time for this shit, I need to call a locksmith because I locked myself out of my car. I don't even have the money for this. I just recently got out of jail and I just can't do this..." As she called the locksmith, tall dude and I just stood there in silence and awkwardness. "No need to add the extra info." I thought to myself disgustedly. I was in a bad, nasty mood.  I slowly walked away, until she was done talking to the locksmith.

"Hey the locksmith will be here in 15 minutes, here's your phone back!" she yelled to me. I jogged towards her. "Ok awesome thanks! I hope everything goes well." As I took the phone from her and started back to work. "No wait come back." she said. "Yes?" I said. "Well you see I don't have enough money for the locksmith." "Ahhhh geez I'm really sorry, I wish I could help you." I said. "I just don't know what I'm going to do." "I'm sure he will be kind to you and you guys will figure something out." I said, slowly trying to get back to my pallet of cereal. "Ok...well. Thanks for letting me use your phone." she said.

Tall dude left home, I went back to work and the old lady took over the front desk. She irritated me sometimes, she never did anything lol. I happened to look up, and I saw the lady waiting for the locksmith just walking around the store. Usually employees would be skeptical of this, but honestly I wasn't in the mood to know if she was up to anything or not, so I just went back to work.

I went to go get another pallet jack since some jerk came and took mine, and boom, there she was on the soap/bathroom/cosmetics aisle stealing what seemed to look like makeup and facial products. The expensive kind. She put multiple things in her large purse bag. Honestly looked like it could've been up to $100. "Whaaaaaat no wayyyy." I thought to myself. I stayed out of sight from her. She went back to the front to wait for the locksmith. Surprisingly the door didn't ring or alert about anything being stolen as she walked past it. "I don't have time for this." I sighed. I just went back to work. Whatever. It's not a big deal. I don't care. I'm a bad employee, whatever lol.

3 days later.

She came in again, this time it was just me, the old lady again, and Carlos, my manager. It was an easy day, so I wasn't going fast and stuff. I was stocking the cereal aisle and she came over and put some granola bars in her cart. "Hey how are you?" she said to me. "Oh I'm doing fine yourself?" I said, geez she looked really good. "Eh I'm alright, could be better." "Well hope all goes well." I said. I always say that, I sound like a robot. Sometimes I should actually care and think when I talk. "Well have a nice night." she said.seriously. She was never smiling. She went to aisle 5, the spices, vinegar, pancake, etc aisle. I slowly followed but made sure she didn't see me. I was skeptical ever since the cosmetic theft incident.

I couldn't believe it. She put a bunch of those small spices in her purse, very quickly. I couldn't see what specific. "Hahaha you've got to be kidding." I said quietly. She still didn't see me. She quickly went to aisle 17. I followed behind again. This time she put two small sweet teas in her purse. "Really? Those cost like a $1.00." I laughed to myself. She turned and made eye contact with me, I quickly looked at the shelf like I was changing the price tag or something. "Have a nice night." she said again. And left to cash her items in the cart. Which was only cereal, milk, and a couple other food products.

I just stood there dumbfounded. Yeah yeah yeah it's the right thing to tell on her, I just don't have the motivation for this. Work, class, studying, and 3 hours of sleep every day is what's doing this to me. I let her go. I went back to work. "Ugh pleasssseeee don't come back here and steal again." I thought to myself.

1 freakin day later.

This time the whole night crew was here, 5 of us, it was a huge truck of groceries and all of us was needed. I was working cereal again and I saw her walk by. "You've got to be kidding." I said to myself. I followed behind her again. She was in the cosmetics again, taking the small, yet expensive shampoos, eye/facial products, etc. She went all out this time. Stuffed tons into her bag. And went for the other aisle. "Nahhhh man not this time." I thought to myself.

She didn't see me come behind her, I lightly put my hand on her shoulder. "Please come with me." I said. "Oh my gosh you scared me." she said, this time smiling. "Why are you doing this?" I said. "What do you mean?" she said, her face getting stern real quick. I looked at her purse and looked back up to her. "You know exactly what I'm talking about." "No I don't, and I don't have time for this." she said, starting to go to the register.

"Listen to me lady, get your ass back here or I'm going to get you in huge trouble, that's up to $100 in your purse, there's footage upstairs with you stealing it, and if you don't cooperate you're going to be in huge trouble." I whispered angrily. She quickly walked back, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I can't get in trouble anymore, please, I'm on probation. This is just the first time I've done this." "Do you think I'm freakin stupid? I saw you do it yesterday and a week ago. I'm tired and don't have time for this crap. Don't lie to me." I said. "Please please please don't get me in trouble, you're a very kind and nice guy, please don't do this to me." she said coming closer to me and putting her hand on my shoulder.

"Hey Cheyenne you over there??" I heard Carlos yell from afar. She looked at me with fear in her eyes, she started crying. "Quit crying, quit crying." I whispered in a annoyed voice to her. "Ahhh yeah just helping a customer, I'll be there in a sec!" I yelled back. "Aight!" he yelled in his Mexican voice.

She looked at me, "Oh my God. Oh my God." she said. "No more stealing." I said. "Put back those products and please leave." I said. "Thank you so much, thank you so much, thank you so much." she said multiple times. She hugged me, it was extremely awkward. "You're lucky it was me." I said. "The others would've done their job correctly." I said. "Thank you so much Cheyenne." she said looking at my name tag. I walked away.

No. I didn't let her go because she was an attractive lady. No. I didn't let her go because I'm a "nice guy" or because I'm "chill", I'm actually a jerk in real life hahaha. I let her go because just a couple of months ago I GOT CAUGHT FOR STEALING.

Ok now for my part of the story, the part that'll make you think different of me, the cingeworthy, heart pumping part. The part that makes you ask questions like "Y U SO STUPIDZ CHEYENNE???"

We all sin. It happens. It's so hard not to do it. I was so disappointed at myself for this. I have a theory that stealing is the sin that should be the easiest to NOT DO. You just don't do it. It's easy. Don't take something that isn't yours. It's simple. It's the sin that I've struggled the least with throughout life. I've rarely done it at all throughout my life, before this incident, the last time I stole was probably when I was 14. I took a bag of quarters from my father's desk drawer.

It was mid May 2015. My first year of college was about to end, it was finals going on and testing. My friend Robert and I were in the Cedar Hill/Duncanville part of Texas, near Dallas. I had to pick up a couple of things, Ramen noodles, some more pens, and some more soap and face wash. We were in Super Target. The store was practically empty. He left and waited for me in his car. I went for the cashier to cash my things but walked by a hat. It was pretty cool, it was a Nike one with the colors white and green. I looked at the price tag. "Damn it." It was $30. My heart started racing.

"Don't do it, you're a good guy, you don't steal. You're Cheyenne Fuller, you never steal, you can't even remember when the last time was when you stole." "Just do it real quick. No one will see, you'll have a new hat" You're gonna get caught." "Quick being a pussy and take the damn hat." "No don't do it!" Yes do it!" I took the hat and slowly went around to the corner with the pants and shirts, it seemed to have less cameras around there. I quickly, fast as lighting, stuffed it into my gym bag, which had my wallet and phone in it. I had the money to pay for my items in my pocket.

I walked up to the register to pay for my things. My heart was beating very fast. Last time I did something like this I was in 3rd grade. I took a snickers bar and got caught, but they gave me a warning. I wasn't upset because I got caught, I was upset because they made me put the snickers bar back and told me to never come back to the store.

I quickly tried walking to Robert's car and a super short, skinny, man opened up the employee door really fast. "Hey you stop there!" he said in a very squeaky voice, doing a super fast walk towards me. I thought about running, they can't do anything you once you're out of the store and out of there, besides call the police of course. I'm not running though, I'm not a criminal.

I stopped. "Is there something wrong?" I asked like a dumbass. "Could I see what's in your bag please?" he said. A HUGE black guy came from the door and stood right behind me as well. Now I really got scared lol. And of course people suddenly wanted to shop in Target now, there were people coming in, giving weird looks. I felt like I was in a movie. "Awww shit, nigga got caught shoplifting ya'll, look dat nigga got caught shoplifting." I heard a black high school teen say as he passed by laughing with his friends. Duncanville is more of an "Black" community I guess.

I handed skinny man my bag and he pulled out the hat. "Alright kid come with me. You're in huge trouble. I just don't understand what motivates you people to do this crap." The cashier who cashed me my items looked at me with a shocked expression. He was a cool dude. I didn't say anything. I didn't even think. My heart just dropped. They brought me downstairs into this room, with three other employees, each on a computer with tons of cameras looking down on the store. "Sit your ass right here," said the skinny man. He was very disappointed. "Why the hell are you stealing?" he asked. I answered honestly, but stupidly. "I don't know, I-I I've never really done this before." I said. "Obviously, it was so damn obvious you were stealing kid. Look at what you've done. Shit like this ruins people's lives ya know. A stupid ass hat. You risking jail bars because of a stupid ass hat." he said. I just looked at the floor.

"Give me your license kid. I need identification." he said. I handed him my license. He looked at me real weirdly. "Cheyenne? You from Montana? What the hell you doing down here?" he asked. "Well I live here permanently now, I just haven't had the time to change my Montana license to a Texas one." "Don't gimme that bullshit, you've had plenty of time. Wait here kid." he said.

He went into the other room. The huge black guy came and sat across from me and just looked at me. This literally had to be the scariest part. I just looked at the ground. He came towards me and picked up the hat I stole. He looked at it for a couple seconds and looked back up at me. "This is one ugly ass hat boy." I kept looking at the ground. I was very scared lol, but I kinda wanted to laugh because the way he said it was extremely funny. I'm glad I didn't.

Skinny man came back. "We just called the police and they will be here shortly." My heart dropped again. I'm screwed. "You go to college?" "Yeah." I said, hoping they wouldn't ask where. "Where?" he asked. "Dallas Baptist University." "Pshhhh kid, why the hell you stealing? What's your problem? Why the hell you gotta come in here and steal like that? Shit, you dumbass college kids. When will you people just learn to do the right thing." he said shaking his head. "You just wait here." he said, as he and black muscle man walked back into the other room.

I just sat there and looked at the wall. I started talking to myself out loud. "Well congratulations, you once again managed to f#@& up your life with your stupidity. Everyone's going to think you're an idiot. You don't have the money to pay for these tickets. Are you kidding me? Stealing? What's wrong with me? This isn't who I am. Why did I do this? You're a failure. You really are. You're pathetic. You idiot. Ok whatever, just shut up. Just freakin shut up you idiot. You deserve this, your life was never meant to be perfect, in fact I hope you go to jail, you fool." My phone vibrated many times, it was Robert pestering me. "Where are you?" "Where are you?" "What happened?"

The police showed up 10 minutes later. It was two of them. "Let me see his license." said one of them to skinny man. The other one stayed in the room with me. "Why?" he said to me as he held up that hat. "I just don't know." I said, feeling humiliated. He started laughing, "Kid this is one ugly ass hat." he said. I almost chuckled at that. Geez, maybe it's a good thing I didn't end up getting it.

"I looked at the footage, you don't seem like the kind of guy to do this. You looked more scared than ever." he said at me. I looked up at him finally. "That's because I'm not. I'm not a bad person. I don't steal. Sometimes officer, you just do things without even thinking. Right before you do it, you keep telling yourself not to do it, but you just quickly do it anyway without thinking, blocking out the thoughts. You block your conscious out. You don't even have a purpose for doing what you're doing." I said.

He just kept looking at me, slightly grinning. It was silent for a couple of minutes. "You should've just left with your cheap ramen. You shouldn't be here right now kid. You're better than this. I've seen some pretty huge dummies in the past stealing from here, and none of them come close to as educated, well-behaved, and polite as you." he said.

Silent again. My worst fear was going to jail. My mom can't drive in traffic, Alex is working in Dallas constantly, and I'm not asking ANY friends to bail me out. Too embarrassing.

"So. I guess I'm going to jail then huh?" I looked up at him. "We'll see." he said.

Skinny man, huge black man, and the other officer came from the room. All 4 of them now looked at me. The police officer I was talking to was the first to talk. "You're not going to jail. The theft was under $50, so it's a Class C offense. Here's your ticket. You go to the court and pay this off. You are forbidden from this store. If you are seen in here again you will go to jail. Do you understand?" he said. "Yes." I said.

"Get your dumbass outta here." said skinny man. "I can't believe you risk your future over a dumb hat." Ugly ass hat." said the black guy one last time. "Be smart." said the officer. I walked out of the store as they walked behind me. I called Robert but he wouldn't pick up. There were more police officers outside. Geez they were acting as if I murdered someone or something.

Robert finally came. I got in the car. "You owe me. You dumbass. Now tell me what happened. I was gonna leave your ass. Thief." He was good at guessing. "Never trust a black guy alone in a store." he laughed jokingly. I tried not to chuckle. "Just drive and get me outta here."

It's currently October 23, 2015 as I write this. My family ended up finding out because court papers got mailed home as I was still at the college dorms. Never seen them this disappointed. Mom still brings it up whenever she's in a bad mood with me. Now you guys know. As you can tell from my past posts, I'm just not afraid to post this. I'm not the only who's ever been in trouble for something stupid. We've all done stupid things blah, blah, blah. Although this one was pretty over the top pathetic. So there's really not a better person than me to tell you a story like this hahaha.

I know my true my friends won't think different of me. It takes guts to write and post things like this and post it on social media. I have a pretty good following now. Up to 1,000 people reading it. Just because I choose to tell you guys my flaws doesn't mean you're "better" than me.

I got deferred and have till November 11th to pay off $500. I still haven't because I've spent my money on car repairs, speeding tickets, clubs, parties, and obviously college. I know. I'm an idiot. If I don't pay the fine by November 11th, I then go to court December 1st. If I don't show up and have the money. It's a warrant and I get arrested. But nahhhhh I'll have it payed off. That ain't happening. I'm Cheyenne Fuller, I don't go to jail.

Hopefully none of the workers see this at Kroger, or I could get into some trouble too for letting the lady go hahaha but heyyyy I highly doubt it, none of them have social media. And they won't fire me, no one is dumb enough to take on a job like this one, we're having trouble trying to even find employees for the job.

Ok so the point of the story? Make sure the hat you're buying is actually pretty decent looking.

I'm just kidding. Don't steal. It's simple. Just don't. And if you're an idiot and are gonna do it anyway, at least don't steal at Super Target. 99.9% chance they will catch you.

Ugh this was brutal to write hahaha, thanks for reading guys, appreciate it. Be good, obey the law. Little things like a hat can ruin you. Yeah yeah yeah, alright alright alright bye now.

Cheyenne Fuller

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Music Mondays #2 (Pop Mix) September 2015

Hello there, this is Music Mondays #2 featuring a playlist of Pop music. Like before it's going to feature 20 songs, hopefully some you've never heard of but will really like. Obviously, there's going to be some artists in there such as Avril Lavigne, Christina Perri, and Owl City because throwing some artists in there that you DO KNOW will balance the playlist out. So enjoy! This playlist features some other pop artists such as Kerli, The Pierces, and Sinclair.

Avril Lavigne- Wish You Were Here
Betty Who- Runaways
Calvin ft. Elysee Carreno- Motion
Charity Vance- It's Alright
Christina Perri- I Believe
Coleman Hell- Thumbalina
Colette Carr- We Do It Primo
Hot Chelle Rae- Hung Up
Icona Pop- On A Roll
Ingrid Michaelson ft. A Great Big World- Over You
Kerli- Love Me Or Leave Me
Kylie Minogue- Better Than Today
Lovestarrs- Get Your Sexy On
Michelle Branch- Goodbye To You
Owl City ft. Aloe Blacc- Verge
Phoebe Ryan- Mine
Rachel Diggs- Hands Of Time
Sinclair- The World Is Ours
The Pierces- Believe In Me
We Are The In Crowd- Manners


Thanks for reading! Feel free to thank me too(; I personally feel like artists such as Calvin, Coleman Hell, and Sinclair don't get  as much attention as they should. Next month, October, will be a Experimental/Chillstep/Indietronic sort of playlist so stay tuned folks it'll be a good one haha.

Cheyenne Fuller

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Feeling No Sympathy For Homeless People

The city. Sometimes I like it, sometimes I don't. It just depends on the mood I'm in I guess. I've adjusted to Dallas and all it has to offer now and I'm enjoying it, even though I'll always be the country, small town Montana boy at heart.

 There's one thing I dislike when hanging out in the city(well Dallas to be specific), and that's the sad faces of the homeless, or the hobos that you see walking around, desperately asking for food, rides, money, etc. Who likes seeing people struggling and moping around with sad faces? Definitely not me. I remember last year, during my first year of college a couple friends decided to treat me, and take me out to Dallas for the first time. Downtown Dallas near the subway/trains.

"Alright one thing you have to remember Cheyenne is that some people may come up to you and ask you for money. JUST IGNORE THEM and they will go away, a lot of people try to trick you and use you, don't let that happen." There were tons of homeless people every day that day. No way it's crowded like that all the time right?

Back in Montana homeless people were a rare thing, well at least seeing them was rare lol. Every time my friends and I would see a homeless person, we would scrape up around at least $5 to hand to them, usually on the way out from the local Wal-Mart in Butte or Bozeman. I'm a huge believer that location and environment may change you a little bit, because ever since I moved to Texas, I've been more stingy with my money, a little more stuck-up and judgemental. Making assumptions instead of actually getting to know the person. I was much more nicer and out-going in Montana no doubt. I don't know what happened.

"Hey guys please, please, I just need $5 for a bus ticket, please can any of you help me out? "Nope sorry." my friends said walking away. "Come on Cheyenne let's go." they said grabbing my arm pulling me away. "Nah wait guys." I said. "Did you listen to anything I just freakin told you?" said my friend, a little irritated. "Hey man here's a $5 bill." I said to the hobo, handing it to him. "Ohhhh God Bless you son, thank you so much." he said as he walked away. My friends and I watched him for a good 2 minutes, and right before he headed inside the liquor store, we saw him take his wallet out and pull out some money, he was too far away for us to see how much.

"AHHHHH DUUUDDDEEEE what did I tell you!?? You had to be the good guy huh!? Your ass just got punked dawwwg!!" my friend said to me, jumping up and down like crazy. I don't care if it was just $5. I was angry, I got used, but we happily continued on with our day. Well at least I tried too.

"I don't feel sympathy for the homeless, I'm sorry but I just don't. The only person who can help your struggling ass is yourself and if all you can do to help yourself out is beg people for money, then you're not just a homeless person, you're a helpless person. It's about not being lazy and trying in life. You think these people living out here in the streets and begging people for money every day actually want to make a difference in their life? Begging for money is the easiest thing they've probably ever done in their life. They're trying to use us man, don't let that happen again." said my friend. "I won't, I won't." I said, feeling kinda guilty for saying that.

Every other week or month, we'd be in the city. I was used to hobos coming up to me or my friends. It happened to everyone. It didn't bother me, but it made me feel guilty because ever since I got fooled by the last guy, I started acting like a jerk. I started acting like a person who didn't care. A jerk. I wouldn't even stop to think about it. Just automatic no. No sympathy.

"Aye maaaaan I need $5 dollas to dat bus stop, ya'll help me out??" said a man who seemed in his late 50s to us. "Nope sorry, I don't have any money." I lied. "C'moooo maaaannn, I just askin fo $5 dollas. Please maaaaaan help me out here." he said, following us as we tried to ignore him. "No go away please, we're not going to help you." I said. Daaaannnng did I just say that? Cheyenne Fuller said that? "God Bless ya'll, thanks anyway maaaaaan." he said walking away.

"Can we please stop hanging around this area?" said my other friend. She was a pretty skeptical and judgemental person, kind though. "You're going to meet people struggling everywhere you go." I said. "Yeah, but this area is not good, these people are not trying to make a difference in their life whatsoever. Beg beg beg is all they do, if they have the confidence and initiative to beg people for money constantly, than they should have the confidence and initiative to ask for a damn job!"

Long story short, my friends refuse to give the homeless money, which is totally fine and it's kind of starting to rub off on me, but I'm trying to think outside of the box though. That doesn't make us bad people, no one has an OBLIGATION to help each other out and give them money. We just reject them in a kind, dishonest way lol. "Oh oh shit, I'm so sorry, I left my wallet out in my car." "Ah I'm sorry man I ain't got no change, not today." EVERY homeless person knows you're lying when you say that, they may be homeless but they're not stupid, so I don't say it anymore. I look at them, and study them, try to put myself in their shoes. The whole "not feeling sympathy for the homeless is not what America should be right?. What have we come to? Why aren't we helping each other when we can? What if you were in that position? My friends and I are jerks maybe? I think back to all the times I lied, and rejected the homeless, and I feel so guilty. Wouldn't you? Maybe not?

The funny thing is that sometimes we reject the homeless, but help others with money? "Awww bro I'm short $2 for this subway sandwich, help me out?" A stranger actually, no joke, turned around and asked me that one time, and I helped him out gladly, no big deal. I helped him out without thinking, but I had to think about it to help a homeless person on the street? Duuudddeeee.

I've come to my own conclusion and opinion for this. I feel sympathy for the homeless, and I always will, whether they choose to be that way or not. Trying to ignore the fact that someone is struggling is something I tried to do, and I fail at it. It'll bother me either way, whether I help or not. No one deserves to live like that. There are many reasons people become homeless. Many homeless are the very people who fight for our country who cannot reconnect with the world. Money is always a big problem for people. Traumatic events, and disabilities may lead some people to lose their homes. Some homeless like being homeless like some of the guys in Dallas and they always have fun and hang out and they're cool people. Some homeless want help and some do not. It really depends but helping is always a kind thing.

Every time I'm asked for some money or help, I'll take a little of my time to get to know them a little bit, maybe ask why they're in the position they are. I'll give them some money, but not always. I feel sympathy for them, but I can't really help them because I'm not in fantastic financial shape myself. Most people are on the streets simply because of an unfortunate event.

I decided that sometimes money is what we want, but sometimes love and a friend is something we need. We're not obligated to help hobos and give them money, that is a fact. But dang, can you have such a guilty conscious on you like that? Or maybe you don't have one because you're so used to ignoring and blocking them? Who knows? What do you think?

Thanks for reading!

Cheyenne Fuller

https://instagram.com/kingofawkward23/
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