I keep saying over and over that it's not about me. Seriously, it isn't. Trust me, I'm not a center of attention seeker, but I'm still finding it hard to understand why I'm even doing this. I still don't know.
Maybe it's just to show everyone the truth. The truth about how everyone really thinks. What's really on their mind. Everyone is afraid to show 100% of themselves, afraid to do what they want because people will "talk about them." Afraid to say what they truly want or feel. Who they love. What they really want in life. What they really want to do. Who they really want to be.
Or maybe life is simple. You live and you die. What's the point of philosophy and psychology right?
So right now? Currently? It's weird. I don't know. Everyday is just being taken for granted by me right now I guess, but everything isn't great all the time ma dawwwwggz ya feel me?
Hmm ok, well, I got a damn speeding ticket a week ago, going 33 mph on a 20 mph speed limit in a school zone. I didn't pay it yet, but I'm guessing it'll be over $100. Great, gotta use my whole paycheck to pay off that dumb thing. Work and college are more stressful than it should be. I was late paying off DBU, from my first year of college, but was able to get my credits transferred finally. I transferred to TCC and applied for classes super late. Mondays and Wednesday I have classes at 8 a.m., 1.p.m, and 6:00 p.m. and Tuesday and Thursday I have classes at 11 a.m., and, 6:00 p.m., Friday is just a class at 8. This is what happens when you sign up late, but hey it wasn't my fault. I'm stingy with my gas money so I stay at the college all day, either sleeping, working out, blogging, or studying.
I miss staying in a dorm with my friends, and going out everyday. Well I guess I am out every day, cause I'm constantly driving places. But commuting just isn't the same as ACTUAL college life.
On top of that I work five days a week from 11:00 p.m. to 4:00 a.m. at Kroger. I don't mind it, all I'm doing is putting boxes on shelves haha, but the problem is that I don't get like any sleep. I'll sleep from 4:30 a.m. to 6:30 a.m. and then boom time to drive to college. I've lost weight. 12 pounds in the last 2 months to be exact. I barely have time to eat anymore, and when I do it's fast food. I hate spending money on lunch every day, so some days I just don't eat. It's killing me.
Friends? I miss my friends from High School, Montana. Gosh I miss them so bad, I want to go back, I can't, Impossible. I miss my friends from DBU too, I visited some of them a couple days ago, at least I can see them once in a while. Making friends at TCC? It's been 3 weeks so far and I've been spending most of my time in class, studying, or on the couch in the library sleeping. I have 2 friends from there so far, so I guess it's a slow start. Some of the people I considered friends from before have unfollowed or unfriended me. "Well damn I guess it was bound to happen." People come and go in this life. Thank God my real friends have stuck with me the whole way. That's all that matters and it makes me happy I still got em.
What I want? What you want? Maaaannnn I don't even know what I'm doin, I'm a second year college student studying for a degree, but don't have a clue what I'm even doing. I picture it every time in my head. Success? Life? The point? A beautiful wife, kids, a fantastic job, happiness, love. It's all I want, It's all ever wanted. It's going to happen, I can't wait for the day. I don't know how, when, or what will happen but it just has to happen. Whenever something bad or disappointing happens to me, I'll tell myself. "Haha don't worry, soon, just soon, you're gonna be on a cruise, with your beautiful wife, looking out at the sea, just the two of you. Planning your lives together, dying together, loving forever. You've waited your whole life for this moment, just wait you'll see....."
Fun!? Netflix baby, I've been watching a lot of horror movies lately. I'm such a bipolar person when it comes to being social. Some days I'm so outgoing, makin friends baby! And the other day, it's a oreo, movie, Youtube, kinda day. Reading psychological books, clubbing with friends, walking around malls, basketball and working out, exploring new music, netflix and movies. Oh and Barnes and Noble, I love that place. That's all the "fun" I've been having lately I guess.
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| Cheyenne Fuller |
Family? I dunno yo, my family been wack lately(sorry I've just always wanted to say "wack" in one of my posts lol) Alex, my older bro moved in with us last month, so it's back to five people. We went to a Kevin Hart show a couple weeks ago and it was fantastic. My mom has been dating this guy we've known for a year now, the first guy we met in Texas. He has two children and my siblings and I will play basketball with them quite a bit. How did time go by so fast? I can tell they really like each other. My mom told me the other day that they went on a date and talked about "the future." I have no clue what to think. I literally just don't think anything. Every time I see them together my head just goes blank. No emotion. Not happy, not angry. I don't even think about Dad passing away, like a real son would. We aren't like a family you see on television ya know? You would know right? We don't show any emotions for each other, we never talk about personal things, and everyone is always doing the same damn thing every day. All of us actually had a big argument a couple of days ago. I try to stay positive, the day is going to come when we all split up and end up on our own, the day when we all barely see each other anymore. It'll get better.
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| Cheyenne Fuller |
Life in general? Ask yourself. "How do you really feel?" I'm happy some days because I'm convincing myself to naturally be happy. "Ok ok, let's talk to this guy." I would tell myself at the college, as I'm on the sidewalk about to pass ways with a college student. "Hey man whats up?" I would say. "Not much dude you?" *fist bump* Good conversation, ok ok that's enough talking for today. I'll get on my phone, Facebook, Instagram, etc. "Dannnnngggg why everyone in a relatonship????" "Whaaaaaaa??? They got married!?" NO way!?" Everyone is moving along so fast, damn I feel lazy. Let's do something, get our mind off those people, they making me jealous.
I went to the club with my friend Robert a couple days ago. It was alright, I just went their to forget about life a little, noisy places, good music, alcohol, and cute girls seem to do the trick I guess. Nahhhh just depends on who you are right? It was ok though. I talked to some people and made a couple friends. It was just a neutral feeling though. I went crazy for a little though, but something just didn't feel right.
Hmmm what are you feeling? I'm just feeling like change is always good. Right? Just change stuff up sometimes. Be original, I'm always trying to be different or trying to stand out. I feel so neutral, just so "grown up." Seriously, for those younger than me reading this right now, TAKE YOUR FREAKIN CHANCES AND QUIT BEIN A LITTLE BABY. Cause you're gonna grow up and it's going to suck.
Geez this post is all over the place. Ok ok ok ok guys, guys, guys, we're all a team here right? What do you want? What do I want? I want success. I want money, to look attractive, nice accessories, I want a good soul. I want to be remembered as "that guy" when I'm dead and gone. The guy people will remember. The guy people learned stuff from. The guy who changed lives. What do you want?
Ok to get what you want, maybe you should change things up right? Do your own thing.
Social media, I already talked about that stuff. I just went a week without all social media, I disabled all my apps, and it honestly felt fantastic. Only when I'm sharing a blog to Twitter and Facebook will I use it, on the computer. But that's it. Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Tinder, blah blah blah, I'm getting sick and tired of it. Just a week without NO SOCIAL MEDIA, it made me happier and realize there is more important things to life instead of looking at yourself and hot girls on your phone every day.
Working out and eating healthier. I'm gonna get bigger again and eat healthier, no more fast food. Let's look healthy and hot fellas lol. Ya know, weight room, basketball, veggies, protein. Changing my diet up.
Just focusing on work and school right now. Nothing else. Let's do this. Life will do it's own thing and people will come and go. I somewhat take the initiative though. Still talking to random people, smiling, always smile ladies and gentlemen. Keeping in touch with the important peeps. Just trying to be happy. Just be happy. Good things will happen if you're happy. I mean I'm happy. Are you?
Cheyenne Fuller
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