Getting Engaged And Married At A Young Age

This is it. That early 20s, not a teen anymore stage that everyone is in. Growing up. We don't have to grow up ya know. There's still time ahead of us.

You found love. You're getting married. The biggest day of your life. The highlight reel of all your memories. Giving you chills and just crying, but it's good crying. Crying of joy and happiness......

If it all doesn't go well though, it could be cries of horror and sorrow. Referring to divorce and other influences that may ruin a relationship. But eh who knows the future?

ETERNITY. You're going to spend ETERNITY with this person. Well in better words, your whole life with them, until you die haha.

I just can't help it. Every time I see a friend or acquaintance with a engagement, pregnant, or married announcement on social media, I will judge. I will immediately go creep on their pictures and make assumptions haha. "Dang never thought she'd end up with him." "Naaaaaaahhhhh man you coulda done much better." "WHAT!? They've only dated for 2 months!" "Dude, dude, dude, check this out, remember that one girl? She's only 19 and she's getting married cause she's pregnant!"

Geez when I get married I will not announce it on social media, that's for sure. Just tell important people. This one girl announced engagement on Facebook and some fool commented "327 likes?! This guy must be a keeper!" I wanted to go through the computer screen and slap him a couple times. Love and marriage shouldn't be a popularity contest.

Sometimes I feel the choice of people getting married isn't 100% purely based on just loving them. All your friends may be married and you feel left out, you think you know what you want, but you really don't, some people just like attention and want to SHOW everyone that they're "in love." It's false love in my opinion if you have to prove your love with someone to other people on social media, etc. Sounds ridiculous but I'm serious.

There's a reason. A reason for the timing in proposal and marriage. It just seems right. Everything seems to come into place and just fit.

Isn't love and marriage the point of life? What else could you possibly want? Love. To be with someone attractive that you love. There is NO better feeling. I mean I guess as long as you're happy. But doesn't happiness require love? I look at marriage as the definite high point of life. YOU DID IT! You have your loved one and now you go on to complete the second half of your life. There's a first half, which is you experiencing different people and figuring things out and then there's a second half which is you finding the loved one and sharing your lives together.

The first half is hard, you don't really know if this person is for you. You get to know them and share experiences with them. It's a bumpy ride though. Break-ups, being cheated on, trust problems. People start to have second thoughts and doubts. But my lord the second half I'm assuming is worse. A bumpier ride. STILL the possible consequences of being cheated on, financial problems, children, housing, finding time, and REALLY. AND I MEAN REALLY. Truly finding out who they are. But hey, in the end it's all worth it, if it works out of course.

I've always dreamed of getting married young. Ever since I was 12 years old I kept telling myself 24 will be the age. The age I stand up in front of the altar with my wife. She's absolutely gorgeous in her white dress, her beaming eyes, and beautiful smile. "You may kiss the bride." Goosebumps all over me and just a powerful feeling through my body. I've always wanted kids too. Four. Four is a lot. But my dad had four and I just want to prove that I can be a better father than he ever was. The best father ever. I want to be young enough to play basketball with my children, eat ice cream with them, go to movies, tell them my experiences, read them my blog, and have them grow up to be wonderful people. To have them learn from my mistakes.

But something is telling me it won't happen, because in a few years I WILL BE 24 years old.

"These people are fools for getting married young. They don't really know what they want in life." One of my co-workers told me.

Maybe they've got it ALLLLL figured out. A plan. They just fell in love and this is it, it's all you've wanted. It's all we want. What's life anyways? You're born. You be happy. You grow up. You find love. You combine love and then you create love by passing it on and then you die. Correct? It's not exactly about the money? Is it? Life isn't about money right?

"Yo it ain't that easy bruh, these younglings think they got it all figured out. Just because their FAMILY got the money to help them out with this marriage stuff, don't mean they got it figured out. Getting married too quick or too young increases the chance of divorce. DIVORCE. You forgot about that right? Do you TRULY love this person? Or are factors such as environment, peers, people, family, or experiences just influencing your decision to marry this person. Maybe you're choosing this person simply because you're tired of being alone. You're tired of waiting and watching others get married. Listen I know there are tons of young married couples who get through it fine, and that's fantastic! But then again, there are many who don't. The ones who get married too quick."

My friend Joe said that.

I thought to myself. Alright well what's too young anyway? Whoever said the average 30 year old is smarter than the 20 year old? Or more stable? Or more ready? Where's the statistics to prove that? Not true. Ahhh I found the problem!! Whenever young couples get a divorce, people involved with their lives always try to blame it on age, but the real reason may just be timing or pure foolishness. Foolishness is in every age.

"You barely know him. You dated him for 3 months. 3 months. Is 3 months enough to learn every single thing you want to learn about someone. Perhaps you don't want to take the time? You know what you want.

Haha it's funny. Recently, when I'm not working, I've been spending my free time watching "The Secret Life Of The American Teenager" on Netflix. It's a series about a girl named Amy who gets pregnant at 15 and eventually gets engaged. She in a way influences the engagement because she's afraid Ricky(the father of the baby) will cheat on her. 2 other high school students, Ben and Adrian, get married because Adrian has a unexpected baby. Although they barely know a thing about each other and are 17 years of age. They choose to marry because they feel it's the "right thing to do." But they don't actually love each other. Same with Ricky and Amy. They love each other because of their experiences together, but they don't actually LOVE each other. Does that make sense?

Lol, it's a pretty false and unrealistic show, but like McDonald's, I'm lovin it.

Annnyyyyywaaayyyy. Why do I always get off topic?

"Dude maybe they get married fast because it lowers the chance of them getting cheated on." Sounds pathetic, perhaps a valid point though.

"Ah shut up. We all know relationships revolve around money. 98% of the time. Lord bless the 2% of love relationships. Marriage involves money. Tons of money. Damn why does every situation have to involve money?"

"What's marriage anyways? Two people sharing their lives together, sleeping together, making love, and being happy together? What if they don't commit? What if it doesn't work out? It all goes down hill from there."

Let's say two 19 year old high school dropouts living with single parents with low income are absolutely in love. High School, Middle School, Elementary School sweethearts. Known each other their whole lives, been through almost everything together. They want to get married. Are they going to get married? Sure they can. Would it be SMART for them to get married? Probably nahhhh...

What about two high class college students? Have both of their parents and high income. They've known each other for 3 months and are in love. They want to get married. Are they getting married? Sure they can. Would it be SMART for them to get married? Well. I guess they are the only ones who should answer that question huh? It's not an automatic no because they have MONEY. It all comes down whether they are ready to make this lifelong commitment.

It's just different life situations. We can't all have a happy beginning and a happy ending. "LiFE AinT NO LOvE StoRY Boi!"

That's it. It's sad. Time of love and marriage is highly influenced by MONEY. Marriage at a young age, in my opinion, has nothing to do with age.

You're not an idiot are you? I wanna slap those guys and girls who talk about their relationship problems and say this: "Well I just don't know if I'm in love with him or not." If you say that, then you're not in love. You must know. Your life and happiness counts on it.

C'maaaaan don't let money influence your life and who you love. But who am I kidding?

The percentage of girls that will marry who they love despite him being as broke as a hobo, is absolutely low.  The 2%! The girls who do it are true woman though. I'll just say that. True love. What a risk to take!

Nooooo I'm not saying nowadays girls are GOLD DIGGERS, but woman want a sense of security, to know that they shouldn't have much to worry about. They will be in love, happy, and financially stable. BOOM. That's life right there. How can you blame a girl for wanting that?

Alright I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't make this post as interesting as I wanted to. Let me just say this. This is coming from my own mouth. Before you get married, before you "fall in love with your perfect man or woman", before you share your life, belongings, and EVERYTHING you have with this person....

There is no such thing as "the one." I don't believe in the "We were brought together for a reason." or "It was destiny, we were meant to be." NONSENSE. Whatever happens, happens. A person is a person. That person is attractive. You get along with that person. You guys like each other. That's it. It's simple. There is tons of attractive people. There are tons of people you will get along with. There are tons of people you will like.....

But what influences who you choose? When you get deep into it, money is a huge factor. Security. Admit it. It's the tie breaker. What makes someone more special than the other person? Something girls like to say lol, "UGH!! The little things he does that just make me go WILD :)))!!" There's always little things you'll like about different people. But who knows, maybe it is the little things, maybe it is more complicated than money. Psssh what do I know?

Now that I think about it, marriage at a young age isn't a big deal at all. If you have money. Marriage and love is good. It's the point of life.

Don't get me wrong, it's not all about money. Some really rich couples get divorced simply because money actually gets in the way, or because they're too busy working. Not truly in love....

If you're not financially stable you just wait. Be smart I guess. It's not about age people. It's about whether you love really them or not, whether you're happy with them, whether it's the right time or not. And if you're truly in love, truly happy, and the timing just feels right, then why not?

Sometimes the reason we judge and make assumptions about other people's lives is because we're questioning our own lives. Let people live. If they marry and live happily, then that's fantastic. And if they marry and get divorced, then that's too bad. You'll never know what could've happened if you took the different route. It is what it is, not everyone's love life can be a fairy tale.

"You'll never know what could've happened if you made a different decision than your current one. So go on. Do it. Take your chance. But is it a wise one?"

Cheyenne Fuller

Thanks for reading.

Cheyenne Fuller

https://www.instagram.com/kingofawkward23/
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Music Mondays #3 (Indietronica Mix) November 2015

Indietronica, or also maybe known as synthpop, indie dance, electronic, I dunno, what do I know? It's probably my favorite genre of music honestly because it has such a wide range of artists and the sound and rhythms that don't always have to sound the same, when you listen to a new song from this genre you automatically don't know what to expect. Does that make sense?

This is going to be my favorite playlist I create for you guys so far so I really hope you enjoy it, it's going to feature some of my favorite indietronica artists such as Dirty Vegas, Cardiknox, and The Knocks. It'll have a indie dance, experimental, chillstep, atmospheric, summery feel to it. So it'll make you relax, i dunno? lol.

Most artists you probably won't know, but that is the point of the music part of my blog, to introduce you to new music. They're fantastic.

Adam Snow- Meghan's Theme

Cardiknox- Doors
Delerium- Glimmer ft. Emily Haines

Dirty Vegas- Setting Sun

FMLYBND- Where Is My Mind

Ghost Beach- Close Enough ft. Noosa

Juun- When It's Alright ft. Sam Smith
The Knocks- Classic ft. Powers
LA+CH- You Are My Summer ft. Coleman Hell & Jayme
M.I.A- Y.A.L.A
MNDR & Sweet Valley- Do It Everyday
MO- Glass
The Naked And Famous- Hearts Like Ours
Porter Robinson- Divinity
RAC- Falling Hard ft. Madi Diaz
Sombear- Incredibly Still
Sound Remedy- Victory ft. Evvy
TroyBoi- On My Own ft. Nefera
WIN WIN- Been So Long
The Young Professionals- All Of It But Me ft. Anna F. (NEUS Remix)

Thanks for reading and listening, make sure to check out the rest of these artist's songs, another reason this playlist rocks, these artists are incredibly talented and deserve more viewers. Make sure to follow my blog and lookout for the December playlist, it'll be a Indie Rock, Indie Pop, Psychedelic playlist, so stay tuned. Haha alright, thanks and have a fantastic week.

Cheyenne Fuller

https://instagram.com/kingofawkward23/
https://twitter.com/kingofawkward23
Follow my blog and check out my other posts!

Getting Caught Stealing At Target And Confronting A Lady For Stealing At Kroger

It's been 5 months now since my night shift job at Kroger, I'm not going to get deep into that because I mentioned the details on a blog post a couple weeks back, but anyways it's easy, boring, tiring, etc. The fact that I work from 11:00 p.m. to 5:00 a.m. and then have college classes beginning at 8:00 a.m. doesn't make me a very upbeat person either hahaha.

Blah blah blah, ok sorry enough boring crap, let's get to the point. Nothing exciting goes on at this job. my motive is, "Ok finish your pallets of grocery as fast as you can and get the hell outta here so you can get some sleep before class." I'm not worrying about what others do. The store closes at 1:00 a.m. so I still have to deal with customers the first 2 hours. So now it all starts.

OK EVERYONE! STORY TIME!(: Grab your hot chocolate, your pillow, your candy, your alcohol, whatever it is, cuddle in bed, and get comfortable because this is gonna be a good one.

October 13th, 2015. Around 12:00 a.m. here at Kroger. It was just me and 3 other workers tonight and there was TONS to do. "Hey Cheyenne do you think that lady over there can use your phone? She locked herself of her car, her phone is in there and I forgot mine." said the tall kid who works at the desk. I've seen him for 5 months now and I still don't know his damn name. "Yeah sure thing." I said, not trying to sound annoyed. I took my headphones off, dropped what I was doing and we walked over to her. She was actually quite pretty, looked like she was in her mid 30s and was dressed very well.

"Hey he's gonna let you use his phone." said the tall dude pointing at me. "Hey here you go." I said handing her my phone. "Ugh thank you so much, I just don't have time for this shit, I need to call a locksmith because I locked myself out of my car. I don't even have the money for this. I just recently got out of jail and I just can't do this..." As she called the locksmith, tall dude and I just stood there in silence and awkwardness. "No need to add the extra info." I thought to myself disgustedly. I was in a bad, nasty mood.  I slowly walked away, until she was done talking to the locksmith.

"Hey the locksmith will be here in 15 minutes, here's your phone back!" she yelled to me. I jogged towards her. "Ok awesome thanks! I hope everything goes well." As I took the phone from her and started back to work. "No wait come back." she said. "Yes?" I said. "Well you see I don't have enough money for the locksmith." "Ahhhh geez I'm really sorry, I wish I could help you." I said. "I just don't know what I'm going to do." "I'm sure he will be kind to you and you guys will figure something out." I said, slowly trying to get back to my pallet of cereal. "Ok...well. Thanks for letting me use your phone." she said.

Tall dude left home, I went back to work and the old lady took over the front desk. She irritated me sometimes, she never did anything lol. I happened to look up, and I saw the lady waiting for the locksmith just walking around the store. Usually employees would be skeptical of this, but honestly I wasn't in the mood to know if she was up to anything or not, so I just went back to work.

I went to go get another pallet jack since some jerk came and took mine, and boom, there she was on the soap/bathroom/cosmetics aisle stealing what seemed to look like makeup and facial products. The expensive kind. She put multiple things in her large purse bag. Honestly looked like it could've been up to $100. "Whaaaaaat no wayyyy." I thought to myself. I stayed out of sight from her. She went back to the front to wait for the locksmith. Surprisingly the door didn't ring or alert about anything being stolen as she walked past it. "I don't have time for this." I sighed. I just went back to work. Whatever. It's not a big deal. I don't care. I'm a bad employee, whatever lol.

3 days later.

She came in again, this time it was just me, the old lady again, and Carlos, my manager. It was an easy day, so I wasn't going fast and stuff. I was stocking the cereal aisle and she came over and put some granola bars in her cart. "Hey how are you?" she said to me. "Oh I'm doing fine yourself?" I said, geez she looked really good. "Eh I'm alright, could be better." "Well hope all goes well." I said. I always say that, I sound like a robot. Sometimes I should actually care and think when I talk. "Well have a nice night." she said.seriously. She was never smiling. She went to aisle 5, the spices, vinegar, pancake, etc aisle. I slowly followed but made sure she didn't see me. I was skeptical ever since the cosmetic theft incident.

I couldn't believe it. She put a bunch of those small spices in her purse, very quickly. I couldn't see what specific. "Hahaha you've got to be kidding." I said quietly. She still didn't see me. She quickly went to aisle 17. I followed behind again. This time she put two small sweet teas in her purse. "Really? Those cost like a $1.00." I laughed to myself. She turned and made eye contact with me, I quickly looked at the shelf like I was changing the price tag or something. "Have a nice night." she said again. And left to cash her items in the cart. Which was only cereal, milk, and a couple other food products.

I just stood there dumbfounded. Yeah yeah yeah it's the right thing to tell on her, I just don't have the motivation for this. Work, class, studying, and 3 hours of sleep every day is what's doing this to me. I let her go. I went back to work. "Ugh pleasssseeee don't come back here and steal again." I thought to myself.

1 freakin day later.

This time the whole night crew was here, 5 of us, it was a huge truck of groceries and all of us was needed. I was working cereal again and I saw her walk by. "You've got to be kidding." I said to myself. I followed behind her again. She was in the cosmetics again, taking the small, yet expensive shampoos, eye/facial products, etc. She went all out this time. Stuffed tons into her bag. And went for the other aisle. "Nahhhh man not this time." I thought to myself.

She didn't see me come behind her, I lightly put my hand on her shoulder. "Please come with me." I said. "Oh my gosh you scared me." she said, this time smiling. "Why are you doing this?" I said. "What do you mean?" she said, her face getting stern real quick. I looked at her purse and looked back up to her. "You know exactly what I'm talking about." "No I don't, and I don't have time for this." she said, starting to go to the register.

"Listen to me lady, get your ass back here or I'm going to get you in huge trouble, that's up to $100 in your purse, there's footage upstairs with you stealing it, and if you don't cooperate you're going to be in huge trouble." I whispered angrily. She quickly walked back, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I can't get in trouble anymore, please, I'm on probation. This is just the first time I've done this." "Do you think I'm freakin stupid? I saw you do it yesterday and a week ago. I'm tired and don't have time for this crap. Don't lie to me." I said. "Please please please don't get me in trouble, you're a very kind and nice guy, please don't do this to me." she said coming closer to me and putting her hand on my shoulder.

"Hey Cheyenne you over there??" I heard Carlos yell from afar. She looked at me with fear in her eyes, she started crying. "Quit crying, quit crying." I whispered in a annoyed voice to her. "Ahhh yeah just helping a customer, I'll be there in a sec!" I yelled back. "Aight!" he yelled in his Mexican voice.

She looked at me, "Oh my God. Oh my God." she said. "No more stealing." I said. "Put back those products and please leave." I said. "Thank you so much, thank you so much, thank you so much." she said multiple times. She hugged me, it was extremely awkward. "You're lucky it was me." I said. "The others would've done their job correctly." I said. "Thank you so much Cheyenne." she said looking at my name tag. I walked away.

No. I didn't let her go because she was an attractive lady. No. I didn't let her go because I'm a "nice guy" or because I'm "chill", I'm actually a jerk in real life hahaha. I let her go because just a couple of months ago I GOT CAUGHT FOR STEALING.

Ok now for my part of the story, the part that'll make you think different of me, the cingeworthy, heart pumping part. The part that makes you ask questions like "Y U SO STUPIDZ CHEYENNE???"

We all sin. It happens. It's so hard not to do it. I was so disappointed at myself for this. I have a theory that stealing is the sin that should be the easiest to NOT DO. You just don't do it. It's easy. Don't take something that isn't yours. It's simple. It's the sin that I've struggled the least with throughout life. I've rarely done it at all throughout my life, before this incident, the last time I stole was probably when I was 14. I took a bag of quarters from my father's desk drawer.

It was mid May 2015. My first year of college was about to end, it was finals going on and testing. My friend Robert and I were in the Cedar Hill/Duncanville part of Texas, near Dallas. I had to pick up a couple of things, Ramen noodles, some more pens, and some more soap and face wash. We were in Super Target. The store was practically empty. He left and waited for me in his car. I went for the cashier to cash my things but walked by a hat. It was pretty cool, it was a Nike one with the colors white and green. I looked at the price tag. "Damn it." It was $30. My heart started racing.

"Don't do it, you're a good guy, you don't steal. You're Cheyenne Fuller, you never steal, you can't even remember when the last time was when you stole." "Just do it real quick. No one will see, you'll have a new hat" You're gonna get caught." "Quick being a pussy and take the damn hat." "No don't do it!" Yes do it!" I took the hat and slowly went around to the corner with the pants and shirts, it seemed to have less cameras around there. I quickly, fast as lighting, stuffed it into my gym bag, which had my wallet and phone in it. I had the money to pay for my items in my pocket.

I walked up to the register to pay for my things. My heart was beating very fast. Last time I did something like this I was in 3rd grade. I took a snickers bar and got caught, but they gave me a warning. I wasn't upset because I got caught, I was upset because they made me put the snickers bar back and told me to never come back to the store.

I quickly tried walking to Robert's car and a super short, skinny, man opened up the employee door really fast. "Hey you stop there!" he said in a very squeaky voice, doing a super fast walk towards me. I thought about running, they can't do anything you once you're out of the store and out of there, besides call the police of course. I'm not running though, I'm not a criminal.

I stopped. "Is there something wrong?" I asked like a dumbass. "Could I see what's in your bag please?" he said. A HUGE black guy came from the door and stood right behind me as well. Now I really got scared lol. And of course people suddenly wanted to shop in Target now, there were people coming in, giving weird looks. I felt like I was in a movie. "Awww shit, nigga got caught shoplifting ya'll, look dat nigga got caught shoplifting." I heard a black high school teen say as he passed by laughing with his friends. Duncanville is more of an "Black" community I guess.

I handed skinny man my bag and he pulled out the hat. "Alright kid come with me. You're in huge trouble. I just don't understand what motivates you people to do this crap." The cashier who cashed me my items looked at me with a shocked expression. He was a cool dude. I didn't say anything. I didn't even think. My heart just dropped. They brought me downstairs into this room, with three other employees, each on a computer with tons of cameras looking down on the store. "Sit your ass right here," said the skinny man. He was very disappointed. "Why the hell are you stealing?" he asked. I answered honestly, but stupidly. "I don't know, I-I I've never really done this before." I said. "Obviously, it was so damn obvious you were stealing kid. Look at what you've done. Shit like this ruins people's lives ya know. A stupid ass hat. You risking jail bars because of a stupid ass hat." he said. I just looked at the floor.

"Give me your license kid. I need identification." he said. I handed him my license. He looked at me real weirdly. "Cheyenne? You from Montana? What the hell you doing down here?" he asked. "Well I live here permanently now, I just haven't had the time to change my Montana license to a Texas one." "Don't gimme that bullshit, you've had plenty of time. Wait here kid." he said.

He went into the other room. The huge black guy came and sat across from me and just looked at me. This literally had to be the scariest part. I just looked at the ground. He came towards me and picked up the hat I stole. He looked at it for a couple seconds and looked back up at me. "This is one ugly ass hat boy." I kept looking at the ground. I was very scared lol, but I kinda wanted to laugh because the way he said it was extremely funny. I'm glad I didn't.

Skinny man came back. "We just called the police and they will be here shortly." My heart dropped again. I'm screwed. "You go to college?" "Yeah." I said, hoping they wouldn't ask where. "Where?" he asked. "Dallas Baptist University." "Pshhhh kid, why the hell you stealing? What's your problem? Why the hell you gotta come in here and steal like that? Shit, you dumbass college kids. When will you people just learn to do the right thing." he said shaking his head. "You just wait here." he said, as he and black muscle man walked back into the other room.

I just sat there and looked at the wall. I started talking to myself out loud. "Well congratulations, you once again managed to f#@& up your life with your stupidity. Everyone's going to think you're an idiot. You don't have the money to pay for these tickets. Are you kidding me? Stealing? What's wrong with me? This isn't who I am. Why did I do this? You're a failure. You really are. You're pathetic. You idiot. Ok whatever, just shut up. Just freakin shut up you idiot. You deserve this, your life was never meant to be perfect, in fact I hope you go to jail, you fool." My phone vibrated many times, it was Robert pestering me. "Where are you?" "Where are you?" "What happened?"

The police showed up 10 minutes later. It was two of them. "Let me see his license." said one of them to skinny man. The other one stayed in the room with me. "Why?" he said to me as he held up that hat. "I just don't know." I said, feeling humiliated. He started laughing, "Kid this is one ugly ass hat." he said. I almost chuckled at that. Geez, maybe it's a good thing I didn't end up getting it.

"I looked at the footage, you don't seem like the kind of guy to do this. You looked more scared than ever." he said at me. I looked up at him finally. "That's because I'm not. I'm not a bad person. I don't steal. Sometimes officer, you just do things without even thinking. Right before you do it, you keep telling yourself not to do it, but you just quickly do it anyway without thinking, blocking out the thoughts. You block your conscious out. You don't even have a purpose for doing what you're doing." I said.

He just kept looking at me, slightly grinning. It was silent for a couple of minutes. "You should've just left with your cheap ramen. You shouldn't be here right now kid. You're better than this. I've seen some pretty huge dummies in the past stealing from here, and none of them come close to as educated, well-behaved, and polite as you." he said.

Silent again. My worst fear was going to jail. My mom can't drive in traffic, Alex is working in Dallas constantly, and I'm not asking ANY friends to bail me out. Too embarrassing.

"So. I guess I'm going to jail then huh?" I looked up at him. "We'll see." he said.

Skinny man, huge black man, and the other officer came from the room. All 4 of them now looked at me. The police officer I was talking to was the first to talk. "You're not going to jail. The theft was under $50, so it's a Class C offense. Here's your ticket. You go to the court and pay this off. You are forbidden from this store. If you are seen in here again you will go to jail. Do you understand?" he said. "Yes." I said.

"Get your dumbass outta here." said skinny man. "I can't believe you risk your future over a dumb hat." Ugly ass hat." said the black guy one last time. "Be smart." said the officer. I walked out of the store as they walked behind me. I called Robert but he wouldn't pick up. There were more police officers outside. Geez they were acting as if I murdered someone or something.

Robert finally came. I got in the car. "You owe me. You dumbass. Now tell me what happened. I was gonna leave your ass. Thief." He was good at guessing. "Never trust a black guy alone in a store." he laughed jokingly. I tried not to chuckle. "Just drive and get me outta here."

It's currently October 23, 2015 as I write this. My family ended up finding out because court papers got mailed home as I was still at the college dorms. Never seen them this disappointed. Mom still brings it up whenever she's in a bad mood with me. Now you guys know. As you can tell from my past posts, I'm just not afraid to post this. I'm not the only who's ever been in trouble for something stupid. We've all done stupid things blah, blah, blah. Although this one was pretty over the top pathetic. So there's really not a better person than me to tell you a story like this hahaha.

I know my true my friends won't think different of me. It takes guts to write and post things like this and post it on social media. I have a pretty good following now. Up to 1,000 people reading it. Just because I choose to tell you guys my flaws doesn't mean you're "better" than me.

I got deferred and have till November 11th to pay off $500. I still haven't because I've spent my money on car repairs, speeding tickets, clubs, parties, and obviously college. I know. I'm an idiot. If I don't pay the fine by November 11th, I then go to court December 1st. If I don't show up and have the money. It's a warrant and I get arrested. But nahhhhh I'll have it payed off. That ain't happening. I'm Cheyenne Fuller, I don't go to jail.

Hopefully none of the workers see this at Kroger, or I could get into some trouble too for letting the lady go hahaha but heyyyy I highly doubt it, none of them have social media. And they won't fire me, no one is dumb enough to take on a job like this one, we're having trouble trying to even find employees for the job.

Ok so the point of the story? Make sure the hat you're buying is actually pretty decent looking.

I'm just kidding. Don't steal. It's simple. Just don't. And if you're an idiot and are gonna do it anyway, at least don't steal at Super Target. 99.9% chance they will catch you.

Ugh this was brutal to write hahaha, thanks for reading guys, appreciate it. Be good, obey the law. Little things like a hat can ruin you. Yeah yeah yeah, alright alright alright bye now.

Cheyenne Fuller

https://instagram.com/kingofawkward23/
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Music Mondays #2 (Pop Mix) September 2015

Hello there, this is Music Mondays #2 featuring a playlist of Pop music. Like before it's going to feature 20 songs, hopefully some you've never heard of but will really like. Obviously, there's going to be some artists in there such as Avril Lavigne, Christina Perri, and Owl City because throwing some artists in there that you DO KNOW will balance the playlist out. So enjoy! This playlist features some other pop artists such as Kerli, The Pierces, and Sinclair.

Avril Lavigne- Wish You Were Here
Betty Who- Runaways
Calvin ft. Elysee Carreno- Motion
Charity Vance- It's Alright
Christina Perri- I Believe
Coleman Hell- Thumbalina
Colette Carr- We Do It Primo
Hot Chelle Rae- Hung Up
Icona Pop- On A Roll
Ingrid Michaelson ft. A Great Big World- Over You
Kerli- Love Me Or Leave Me
Kylie Minogue- Better Than Today
Lovestarrs- Get Your Sexy On
Michelle Branch- Goodbye To You
Owl City ft. Aloe Blacc- Verge
Phoebe Ryan- Mine
Rachel Diggs- Hands Of Time
Sinclair- The World Is Ours
The Pierces- Believe In Me
We Are The In Crowd- Manners


Thanks for reading! Feel free to thank me too(; I personally feel like artists such as Calvin, Coleman Hell, and Sinclair don't get  as much attention as they should. Next month, October, will be a Experimental/Chillstep/Indietronic sort of playlist so stay tuned folks it'll be a good one haha.

Cheyenne Fuller

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Feeling No Sympathy For Homeless People

The city. Sometimes I like it, sometimes I don't. It just depends on the mood I'm in I guess. I've adjusted to Dallas and all it has to offer now and I'm enjoying it, even though I'll always be the country, small town Montana boy at heart.

 There's one thing I dislike when hanging out in the city(well Dallas to be specific), and that's the sad faces of the homeless, or the hobos that you see walking around, desperately asking for food, rides, money, etc. Who likes seeing people struggling and moping around with sad faces? Definitely not me. I remember last year, during my first year of college a couple friends decided to treat me, and take me out to Dallas for the first time. Downtown Dallas near the subway/trains.

"Alright one thing you have to remember Cheyenne is that some people may come up to you and ask you for money. JUST IGNORE THEM and they will go away, a lot of people try to trick you and use you, don't let that happen." There were tons of homeless people every day that day. No way it's crowded like that all the time right?

Back in Montana homeless people were a rare thing, well at least seeing them was rare lol. Every time my friends and I would see a homeless person, we would scrape up around at least $5 to hand to them, usually on the way out from the local Wal-Mart in Butte or Bozeman. I'm a huge believer that location and environment may change you a little bit, because ever since I moved to Texas, I've been more stingy with my money, a little more stuck-up and judgemental. Making assumptions instead of actually getting to know the person. I was much more nicer and out-going in Montana no doubt. I don't know what happened.

"Hey guys please, please, I just need $5 for a bus ticket, please can any of you help me out? "Nope sorry." my friends said walking away. "Come on Cheyenne let's go." they said grabbing my arm pulling me away. "Nah wait guys." I said. "Did you listen to anything I just freakin told you?" said my friend, a little irritated. "Hey man here's a $5 bill." I said to the hobo, handing it to him. "Ohhhh God Bless you son, thank you so much." he said as he walked away. My friends and I watched him for a good 2 minutes, and right before he headed inside the liquor store, we saw him take his wallet out and pull out some money, he was too far away for us to see how much.

"AHHHHH DUUUDDDEEEE what did I tell you!?? You had to be the good guy huh!? Your ass just got punked dawwwg!!" my friend said to me, jumping up and down like crazy. I don't care if it was just $5. I was angry, I got used, but we happily continued on with our day. Well at least I tried too.

"I don't feel sympathy for the homeless, I'm sorry but I just don't. The only person who can help your struggling ass is yourself and if all you can do to help yourself out is beg people for money, then you're not just a homeless person, you're a helpless person. It's about not being lazy and trying in life. You think these people living out here in the streets and begging people for money every day actually want to make a difference in their life? Begging for money is the easiest thing they've probably ever done in their life. They're trying to use us man, don't let that happen again." said my friend. "I won't, I won't." I said, feeling kinda guilty for saying that.

Every other week or month, we'd be in the city. I was used to hobos coming up to me or my friends. It happened to everyone. It didn't bother me, but it made me feel guilty because ever since I got fooled by the last guy, I started acting like a jerk. I started acting like a person who didn't care. A jerk. I wouldn't even stop to think about it. Just automatic no. No sympathy.

"Aye maaaaan I need $5 dollas to dat bus stop, ya'll help me out??" said a man who seemed in his late 50s to us. "Nope sorry, I don't have any money." I lied. "C'moooo maaaannn, I just askin fo $5 dollas. Please maaaaaan help me out here." he said, following us as we tried to ignore him. "No go away please, we're not going to help you." I said. Daaaannnng did I just say that? Cheyenne Fuller said that? "God Bless ya'll, thanks anyway maaaaaan." he said walking away.

"Can we please stop hanging around this area?" said my other friend. She was a pretty skeptical and judgemental person, kind though. "You're going to meet people struggling everywhere you go." I said. "Yeah, but this area is not good, these people are not trying to make a difference in their life whatsoever. Beg beg beg is all they do, if they have the confidence and initiative to beg people for money constantly, than they should have the confidence and initiative to ask for a damn job!"

Long story short, my friends refuse to give the homeless money, which is totally fine and it's kind of starting to rub off on me, but I'm trying to think outside of the box though. That doesn't make us bad people, no one has an OBLIGATION to help each other out and give them money. We just reject them in a kind, dishonest way lol. "Oh oh shit, I'm so sorry, I left my wallet out in my car." "Ah I'm sorry man I ain't got no change, not today." EVERY homeless person knows you're lying when you say that, they may be homeless but they're not stupid, so I don't say it anymore. I look at them, and study them, try to put myself in their shoes. The whole "not feeling sympathy for the homeless is not what America should be right?. What have we come to? Why aren't we helping each other when we can? What if you were in that position? My friends and I are jerks maybe? I think back to all the times I lied, and rejected the homeless, and I feel so guilty. Wouldn't you? Maybe not?

The funny thing is that sometimes we reject the homeless, but help others with money? "Awww bro I'm short $2 for this subway sandwich, help me out?" A stranger actually, no joke, turned around and asked me that one time, and I helped him out gladly, no big deal. I helped him out without thinking, but I had to think about it to help a homeless person on the street? Duuudddeeee.

I've come to my own conclusion and opinion for this. I feel sympathy for the homeless, and I always will, whether they choose to be that way or not. Trying to ignore the fact that someone is struggling is something I tried to do, and I fail at it. It'll bother me either way, whether I help or not. No one deserves to live like that. There are many reasons people become homeless. Many homeless are the very people who fight for our country who cannot reconnect with the world. Money is always a big problem for people. Traumatic events, and disabilities may lead some people to lose their homes. Some homeless like being homeless like some of the guys in Dallas and they always have fun and hang out and they're cool people. Some homeless want help and some do not. It really depends but helping is always a kind thing.

Every time I'm asked for some money or help, I'll take a little of my time to get to know them a little bit, maybe ask why they're in the position they are. I'll give them some money, but not always. I feel sympathy for them, but I can't really help them because I'm not in fantastic financial shape myself. Most people are on the streets simply because of an unfortunate event.

I decided that sometimes money is what we want, but sometimes love and a friend is something we need. We're not obligated to help hobos and give them money, that is a fact. But dang, can you have such a guilty conscious on you like that? Or maybe you don't have one because you're so used to ignoring and blocking them? Who knows? What do you think?

Thanks for reading!

Cheyenne Fuller

https://instagram.com/kingofawkward23/
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Making Friends In College When You're Awkward And Weird

I highly believe that there is such a thing as an "awkward extrovert" or if you want to say it another way, an "outgoing introvert." It's how my friends describe me. Except I myself, don't think I'm thaaaaaaat awkward. If so, I thrive on it because it's just who I am, it makes things awkward and weird, but in a funnier way. It actually makes things more enjoyable. Makes me different, makes me stand out a bit. I'm just me.

"I've met plenty of people who are much more weird than me, so I'm just fine." I tell myself that almost every morning before I get ready to start my day. It sounds kinda mean, but it's also a self-confidence booster for myself to try to "convince" myself I'm doing just fine.

Hmmmm "Making Friends In College." Lol. We all have different strategies for when it comes to making friends right? Or is that stupid? A strategy to making a friend? Nahhhhh dawwggg no one does that, whatever happens happens right?

You guys don't care what I think, but I'm gonna tell you anyways.

 You have the "Extreme Extroverts": the ones who love to be loud, have the center of attention, the ones everyone knows and talks about, some people are even shocked if you don't know them. Sometimes a little over-confident in my opinion. They KNOW they'e attractive too. You have, what I like to call, "The Regulars.": I know stupid right? I call them that because I think of them as the students who just set the example as a "regular college student", you know, the students who may or may not join a sorority or frat, but either way, they're in a club, living life, active on social media, have their friends, have their goals. Taking starbucks photos, hipster photos in front of cities, and pics showing how much they love their friend. Yet not too caught up on popularity, but they have their real friends. They're a bit more on the out-going side. Sometimes keep to themselves, sometimes don't. Definition of normal. You know what I'm talking about. Then, you have what I like to call, "The Awkward Introverts." I know, not all introverts are awkward....but still I just like calling them that haha. You know, the ones who are so awkward at making friends and talking to the opposite sex that it makes you want to cringe. The over-the-top netflix, bed, and ice cream eaters. The ones who are always up to make some friends, but just don't have the guts to do so or the ones who don't have friends for obvious reasons...

Actually what I just said may not be true, because I'm taking my opinions and experiences from my first year of college, at Dallas Baptist University. It's not like most colleges I guess, it is a private school.

Cheyenne Fuller

"So you wanna learn how to make friends huh?" The first year of college I wasn't "scared", "excited", or any of that, just neutral. 3 months ago I left my best friends back home in Montana, not knowing when 'll ever see them again. "Making friends" is something that just happens naturally, I would try to tell myself. I'm just going to be myself, the kid who doesn't look like everyone, the kid who doesn't care what others say, 100% true to yourself. You'll make friends if you're true to yourself. Whether you're a druggy, a stuck-up hottie, or an awkward introvert, someone is right with ya.

The very first day of college. I moved in 3 days earlier with a couple other kids because I had an "Advanced Reading Class." After that I was usually in my dorm room or outside playing basketball.

People always ask me, "Dude how can you just go up to strangers and just start talking to them randomly, or do that awkward stuff you do? How can you not care what they say or when they reject you?" Haha one thing you need to know, especially if you're an introvert or moving to a new area with new people or starting college, is that everyone is in the same boat. Everyone doesn't know everyone on the same day. Everyone is new. Fresh start. A lot of people are afraid to make the first move, but want to. You lose absolutely nothing talking to a soul.

Cheyenne Fuller

So I dunno, I just talk to people, normally, awkwardly, or sarcastically. Depends how I'm feeling and my mood I guess.

"Heeeeyyyy what's up my dawwwwgggsss." I said walking to a group of guys sitting down eating their food at the cafeteria. I actually got a couple of weird looks at first. "Ha not much dude you?" "Just eating my food......" I said, still standing up. "Cool." they said looking at me. It was pretty silent now, kinda ya know, awkward. "Alright, well....see ya later." I said. "Haha aight bro see ya." they said. "Whatever, there wasn't enough seats anyway" I told myself. I ate alone that day. I'll try again tomorrow.

When it comes to, "forcing yourself" to make friends, I'll usually study all the people in the room. I'm about to tell you guys my own little personal "strategy." Know who you are. I'm not really an introvert in all honesty, but I've just never gotten along with the people who constantly have to be the center-of-attention all the time. I'll study the room, look at all the people, how they act, their body language. I'm real cocky and think I know how and who a person really is when I look at them. I almost kind of automatically judge them without talking to them, don't we all do that?

It was "Swat Week" a week where people get in colored groups, do activities, and get to know each other kinda. It was a break right now. "Ok that person seems really kind." I'll tell myself, and then I'll go talk to them. She was a cute brunette named Michelle, just sitting in the grass. I went up to her, but didn't say hi. I purposely just stood there and stared at her. I like to meet people in abnormal ways, but not exactly on purpose, sometimes I just act without thinking, it's not on purpose. Which can be funny or just straight up weird and creepy lol.

She looked up and stared back. "Uhhh hi." she said. "Hey." I said, I then sat next to her. "We're going to be friends now." I said. "Hahaha oh are we?" "Yeah, what's your name? I'm Cheyenne Fuller." "I'm Michelle." she said, sticking her hand out to shake mine. We're still friends today and keep in touch, she doesn't have ANY social media, besides a Tumblr and Pinterest haha. That's what made her so interesting. She left after 1 semester. I think she's going to UT Austin now though.

Every time I talk to a person I gain confidence, and become more extroverted. You can be a weird extrovert. I have my own theory that nowadays it's easier to become friends with the opposite sex for some reason. I find it much easier to become friends with girls(not hitting on them) instead of becoming friends with guys. I have more girlfriends than guy friends, but my guy friends are my TRUE, die-fo-a-brotha friends.

Cheyenne Fuller

"Hey man you want some ketchup on your sandwich?" I randomly went up to a guy and said that one time. "Uhhh what? Haha nah I'm good man." he said half-smiling. "Alright well I'm sitting next to you." I said. "Hahaha ok bruh." He had a tall, but skinny build. "Do you think the girls here are hot? I do." I said to him. He just started laughing. Good convo, good guy. We're still friends today.

When I meet someone for the first time I just say what's on my mind, otherwise it's going to be an awkward silence, which does happen to me all the time. But unfortunately, I've had my fair share of "making friends fails" in college. Just too awkward, and it's worst when you see them again and just pass each other with silence and no eye contact at all.

My friends and I were there just goofing off and I decided to talk to people as they walked by our dorm hall outside. I was in an extroverted mood. "Hey whats up my bros?" I said, approaching a group of 4 guys outside. "What's up dude?" they said. "Nothing...." I just stood there, kinda froze. They just looked at me. "You guys wanna play some basketball with me and my friends?" I asked. "Nah man not our game haha." one of them said. "Alright......well....... catch ya later my, my, my brothaaaaazzz." I said, giving them fist bumps. I could here a couple of "what the f%$&@" as I walked away lol.

I went up to a group of frats and sorority girls in the cafeteria with Jonathon. My poor friends, I was king of putting them in awkward situations. "Hey do you guys like my friends shirt?" I asked, pointing at Jonathon's shirt, with a serious expression on my face. "Ummm suuurrree." said one girl. It got silent. Like the whole damn cafeteria did. I didn't mean to make a scene for everyone to see haha. "Do you guys like my shirt?" I asked. Silence. "Ha sure dude." said one guy. Silence again.

"So.....I guess we're sitting with you guys....now?" Huge awkward pause. "Uhhhh sureeee, if you want you can." said the girl. Another awkward silence. "No it's okay, I think this situation just got pretty weird and awkward ya know?" I said. Jonathon stood there shaking his head in disgust, looking at me as if I were an idiot. "Um ok, but you can sit there if you want!" she said. Silence after that. "Ok well.....I guess....I'll shiiiiiiiiit." I said, jogging outta there. "See ya I guesssss?" said one of the girls. Jonathon just stood there embarrassed. It felt like a paparazzi was watching us. It just kinda happened. "Bro that was freakin weird."

I did that one on purpose though. I like to see reactions. Sometimes you're confident, sometimes you're not? Sometimes you're best shutting your mouth(:

"Any of you ladies want to play basketball....with me?" I said, I remember my voice kinda squeaked when I said that. They started laughing, "Haha sorry but no we really don't want to." "Alright well..... are we all friends now?" I asked sarcastically. "Hahaha uh sure we can be friends." "But friends hangout, and you guys don't want to hang with me." I said laughing. "We'll hangout sometime, I promise." one of the girls said. And she did stay true to her promise. Still friends with them today too.

A lot of people make friends mutually, ya know, your friend knows this person, that person knows this person, and so on. It's how it always works. Like a cycle. It's why we're all friends with people on Facebook that we don't even know, but we have mutual friends with them.

Remember a lot of people aren't for you. I would definitely know that. "Hey is alright if I sit with you guys here." I said to a group of guys in the cafeteria. "Sure bro." said one member. I already had my true friends by now, but they always went home during the weekend, and I always stayed in the dorm. This is college! Who goes home every weekend?

"What's your name?" "I'm Cheyenne....Fuller. You?" I asked. "I'm Erik." he introduced his other friends. "Cool." I said. Lol. They were talking about baseball, some television show, and about some girls they knew. None which interested me. You ever meet someone for the first time and you can automatically tell from the first 5 minutes whether you will connect with them or not? Because I can. I just sat there silently. Like you know someone isn't the person for you, but you just can't explain why? This was a great example. I never talked to those guys again. It just happens.

Your mood and the moment really depends too. One time I went up to a table of random girls and guys and started rapping randomly. "Yo yo yo I be doin my thang, realest in da game, I be winnin every time cause I spittin and I rhyme....Just a bunch of laughs everywhere, why did I do that? I forgot. I'm glad I did though, because I'm still friends with them too, well actually some of them.

Cheyenne Fuller

The first couple of people you approach, get "paired" up in groups with, or are forced to meet in orientation are probably not going to be your best friend or even friend in the end. I'm always getting fortunate with great friends early in the beginning. I've been blessed socially my whole life in all honesty.

I'm a huge believer that the people you WERE'NT forced to be friends with are going to be your good friends. I also believe that the location and environment of your college will have a factor on how people act.

Cheyenne Fuller

It's currently September 12th, 2015 as I write this. I'm a second year college student, transferred to Tarrant County College from Dallas Baptist University. I can tell you right now, that community college students definitely keep to themselves more. "The only way you'll make friends here is if you take the initiative I guess." I told myself. So far I have like 4 friends. It's been a roller coaster trying to meet new people here. Some people act like you're a murderer when you approach them.

"Hey whats up man?" I said to a balck guy sitting down eating his food outside. "AUOWSHIT! You scare the hell outta me man, damn bro, Can I just not, all I doin just sittin here eatin dog. I, I, I got class maaaan, I got class maaaan!" he then got up and left. "What the fuuuu...." I thought. I laughed though, I couldn't understand half of what he said.

I approached a girl walking on the sidewalk. "Hey what's up?" "Walking to class, you?" "Not much, just hanging out, looking for friends, literally." I said sarcastically. "Well good luck!" she said walking away, faster this time. Ouch.

It got better, well kinda.

I tried another dude, this time a guy who looked more on the athletic side. "Hey whats up dude? You play ball at all?" I said, making a "follow through shot form" with my hands. "Nah man, nah man, sports ain't really me, but eh you know where I can get any coke?" Dammit. One of these guys. I decided to play stupid though lol. Oh yeah, there's a soda machine over there dude." I said. He roared with laughter. "Hahahaha shiiiiiiit dawg, I talkin bout dat good stuff dawwgg, come on now, come on now!" "Ha sorry man, can't find any of that for you." I mean he's into cocaine, ecstasy, you name it. He doesn't have social media so thankfully he won't know I'm talking about him. Lol. But hey, he's a nice dude. I'm his friend.

"Helllloooooo" I said to a girl eating her subway sandwich alone. "Hi" she said with a weak smile. "No need to call your boyfriend, I'm just here to eat with you and be your friend. It's the first week here and we're both insecure people with no friends." I said jokingly, winking at the same time. "Hahaha ok awesome sounds good then!" she said laughing.

So maybe people just have to realize that talking to a person, isn't "hard" or "easy." You just do it, or you don't. And the person is either, cool, or a jerk. Life is life and it goes on. So you're only gaining something from talking to a new person, you lose nothing. That's what keeps me going and motivated. Mutual friends, ya know the usual, are a good thing too.

Whatever happens, happens. Never FORCE yourself to talk to someone, let things happen naturally and have your heart tell you what it wants to do. Hahaha I know so corny right?

Not everyone is going to like yooooouuuuu......but........there is always someone who will like yooooouuuuu.

The whole introvert/extrovert thing doesn't matter. What matters is just having a friend to do things with and to keep you occupied, not bored. I'm still more of an introvert, than extrovert. Although I'm talking to new people almost every day. I actually make it my goal to make a new friend every day and I'm doing pretty good with it actually.

I say this all the time, but it's only awkward and weird when you say it is. The two words are becoming overused now and I've really only met maybe 3 people my whole life who are the definition of "weird" and sometimes most of those people, choose to be that way, or just don't care. And if they don't care then does it really matter? Nah. Be yourself....

"Hey guys, wanna chill later?" I said to a random group of guys and girls sitting outside. "Umm well I mean....I guess....what do you want to do?" said one of the guys. "Let's go see a movie." I said. They all sat there in silence. "Never mind, never mind, never mind...." I mumbled, walking away, but then laughing. Laughing hard. I could then hear them laughing. I walked their way again and we all started laughing together. "Are you serious?" said one of the girls. "I'm up for a movie. What's your name man?" We're all great friends right now.

"You're awkward, not a bad awkward, but a good awkward, a funny awkward. You're funny and different and that's why I like you."

Thanks for reading,

Cheyenne Fuller,

https://instagram.com/kingofawkward23/
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An Awkward Life Currently(Part 1)

A lot of you still don't see the point in this whole blog thing. Trust me I don't either. I don't even know what I'm doing this for. I'm just writing without thinking at the same time I'm writing everything that comes to mind. Weird. Blogging is stupid, what's the point right? But what if no one wrote anything? Or expressed feelings on the media? Wouldn't this world be boring? Less expressing, less things to think and ponder about.

I keep saying over and over that it's not about me. Seriously, it isn't. Trust me, I'm not a center of attention seeker, but I'm still finding it hard to understand why I'm even doing this. I still don't know.

Maybe it's just to show everyone the truth. The truth about how everyone really thinks. What's really on their mind. Everyone is afraid to show 100% of themselves, afraid to do what they want because people will "talk about them." Afraid to say what they truly want or feel. Who they love. What they really want in life. What they really want to do. Who they really want to be.

Or maybe life is simple. You live and you die. What's the point of philosophy and psychology right?

So right now? Currently? It's weird. I don't know. Everyday is just being taken for granted by me right now I guess, but everything isn't great all the time ma dawwwwggz ya feel me?

Hmm ok, well, I got a damn speeding ticket a week ago, going 33 mph on a 20 mph speed limit in a school zone. I didn't pay it yet, but I'm guessing it'll be over $100. Great, gotta use my whole paycheck to pay off that dumb thing. Work and college are more stressful than it should be. I was late paying off DBU, from my first year of college, but was able to get my credits transferred finally. I transferred to TCC and applied for classes super late. Mondays and Wednesday I have classes at 8 a.m., 1.p.m, and 6:00 p.m. and Tuesday and Thursday I have classes at 11 a.m., and, 6:00 p.m., Friday is just a class at 8. This is what happens when you sign up late, but hey it wasn't my fault. I'm stingy with my gas money so I stay at the college all day, either sleeping, working out, blogging, or studying.

I miss staying in a dorm with my friends, and going out everyday. Well I guess I am out every day, cause I'm constantly driving places. But commuting just isn't the same as ACTUAL college life.

On top of that I work five days a week from 11:00 p.m. to 4:00 a.m. at Kroger. I don't mind it, all I'm doing is putting boxes on shelves haha, but the problem is that I don't get like any sleep. I'll sleep from 4:30 a.m. to 6:30 a.m. and then boom time to drive to college. I've lost weight. 12 pounds in the last 2 months to be exact. I barely have time to eat anymore, and when I do it's fast food. I hate spending money on lunch every day, so some days I just don't eat. It's killing me.

Friends? I miss my friends from High School, Montana. Gosh I miss them so bad, I want to go back, I can't, Impossible. I miss my friends from DBU too, I visited some of them a couple days ago, at least I can see them once in a while. Making friends at TCC? It's been 3 weeks so far and I've been spending most of my time in class, studying, or on the couch in the library sleeping. I have 2 friends from there so far, so I guess it's a slow start. Some of the people I considered friends from before have unfollowed or unfriended me. "Well damn  I guess it was bound to happen." People come and go in this life. Thank God my real friends have stuck with me the whole way. That's all that matters and it makes me happy I still got em.

What I want? What you want? Maaaannnn I don't even know what I'm doin, I'm a second year college student studying for a degree, but  don't have a clue what I'm even doing. I picture it every time in my head. Success? Life? The point? A beautiful wife, kids, a fantastic job, happiness, love. It's all I want, It's all  ever wanted. It's going to happen, I can't wait for the day. I don't know how, when, or what will happen but it just has to happen. Whenever something bad or disappointing happens to me, I'll tell myself. "Haha don't worry, soon, just soon, you're gonna be on a cruise, with your beautiful wife, looking out at the sea, just the two of you. Planning your lives together, dying together, loving forever. You've waited your whole life for this moment, just wait you'll see....."

Fun!? Netflix baby, I've been watching a lot of horror movies lately. I'm such a bipolar person when it comes to being social. Some days I'm so outgoing, makin friends baby! And the other day, it's a oreo, movie, Youtube, kinda day. Reading psychological books, clubbing with friends, walking around malls, basketball and working out, exploring new music, netflix and movies. Oh and Barnes and Noble, I love that place. That's all the "fun" I've been having lately I guess.

Cheyenne Fuller

Girls? I went on a date a couple days ago, it was ok, not really, I just wasn't feeling it, who knows maybe she wasn't either. I'm always screwing up with girls, it was so much easier back in high school. I still keep in touch though, well with some. Gosh I love girls. I really liked this girl from DBU, I don't think she ever knew though, but it's too late now. I guess TCC and transferring was just a fresh start. Pretty girls every where I go. I've been so busy, I haven't been talking to much girls, I really want to, sometimes I do, we don't really get anywhere or it's just awkward. 10% out of 100% of the time it'll go perfect, but other than that. "Oh ok, well see ya later I guess." Whenever I don't it's just my loss I guess. I saw the most beautiful and prettiest blondie sitting alone at the cafeteria a couple days ago. "Ok ok I just have to talk to her." I would tell myself, and then just walk over to her. "Hey you're really pretty" I would say. "Aww thanks" she said looking up from her book, her blue eyes just beaming. She was beautiful, just perfect. "You're welcome." I said. I walked away. "You dumb idiot! You stupid moron! Why did you walk away!? Go back! Go back!" "Nahh it's too late, she'll think I'm weird." "She'll think it's cute, just go back!" I would argue with myself, I didn't go back though. Think it'll be a while till I find a beautiful legit romance unfortunately, someone I know I'll love, someone I know I'll want to spend the rest of my life with. Corny but so true fellas. You ever think like that? For now, I'm not going to try as hard as I did the first year of college, I'm gonna let whatever happen happen this year, and focus more on work and college.

Family? I dunno yo, my family been wack lately(sorry I've just always wanted to say "wack" in one of my posts lol) Alex, my older bro moved in with us last month, so it's back to five people. We went to a Kevin Hart show a couple weeks ago and it was fantastic. My mom has been dating this guy we've known for a year now, the first guy we met in Texas. He has two children and my siblings and I will play basketball with them quite a bit. How did time go by so fast? I can tell they really like each other. My mom told me the other day that they went on a date and talked about "the future." I have no clue what to think. I literally just don't think anything. Every time I see them together my head just goes blank. No emotion. Not happy, not angry. I don't even think about Dad passing away, like a real son would. We aren't like a family you see on television ya know? You would know right?  We don't show any emotions for each other, we never talk about personal things, and everyone is always doing the same damn thing every day. All of us actually had a big argument a couple of days ago. I try to stay positive, the day is going to come when we all split up and end up on our own, the day when we all barely see each other anymore. It'll get better.

Cheyenne Fuller

Life in general? Ask yourself. "How do you really feel?" I'm happy some days because I'm convincing myself to naturally be happy.  "Ok ok, let's talk to this guy." I would tell myself at the college, as I'm on the sidewalk about to pass ways with a college student. "Hey man whats up?" I would say. "Not much dude you?" *fist bump* Good conversation, ok ok that's enough talking for today. I'll get on my phone, Facebook, Instagram, etc. "Dannnnngggg why everyone in a relatonship????" "Whaaaaaaa??? They got married!?" NO way!?" Everyone is moving along so fast, damn I feel lazy. Let's do something, get our mind off those people, they making me jealous.

I went to the club with my friend Robert a couple days ago. It was alright, I just went their to forget about life a little, noisy places, good music, alcohol, and cute girls seem to do the trick I guess. Nahhhh just depends on who you are right? It was ok though. I talked to some people and made a couple friends. It was just a neutral feeling though. I went crazy for a little though, but something just didn't feel right.

Hmmm what are you feeling? I'm just feeling like change is always good. Right? Just change stuff up sometimes. Be original, I'm always trying to be different or trying to stand out. I feel so neutral, just so "grown up." Seriously, for those younger than me reading this right now, TAKE YOUR FREAKIN CHANCES AND QUIT BEIN A LITTLE BABY. Cause you're gonna grow up and it's going to suck.

Geez this post is all over the place. Ok ok ok ok guys, guys, guys, we're all a team here right? What do you want? What do I want? I want success. I want money, to look attractive, nice accessories, I want a good soul. I want to be remembered as "that guy" when I'm dead and gone. The guy people will remember. The guy people learned stuff from. The guy who changed lives. What do you want?

Ok to get what you want, maybe you should change things up right? Do your own thing.

Social media, I already talked about that stuff. I just went a week without all social media, I disabled all my apps, and it honestly felt fantastic. Only when I'm sharing a blog to Twitter and Facebook will I use it, on the computer. But that's it. Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Tinder, blah  blah blah, I'm getting sick and tired of it. Just a week without NO SOCIAL MEDIA, it made me happier and realize there is more important things to life instead of looking at yourself and hot girls on your phone every day.

Working out and eating healthier. I'm gonna get bigger again and eat healthier, no more fast food. Let's look healthy and hot fellas lol. Ya know, weight room, basketball, veggies, protein. Changing my diet up.

Just focusing on work and school right now. Nothing else. Let's do this. Life will do it's own thing and people will come and go. I somewhat take the initiative though. Still talking to random people, smiling, always smile ladies and gentlemen. Keeping in touch with the important peeps. Just trying to be happy. Just be happy. Good things will happen if you're happy. I mean I'm happy. Are you?

Cheyenne Fuller

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10 Fantastic Female Music Singers/Bands You Probably Don't Know.

Heeeeeyyyyyy wazzzup my dawwwgsss??

It's no surprise the amount of amazing female music artists and female vocal bands there are. Some more known than others, that doesn't mean they're "better" they're just more popular, more known. Artists such as Miley Cyrus, Katy Perry, Demi Lovato, Taylor Swift, Rihanna, Beyonce, and Adele are some of the top right now.

Here are 10 artists I've been listening to for a long time now and feel deserve more recognition, a pat on the back to you if you know some of them.

1. Phoebe Ryan

I found out about her last year because of the EDM artist "Tritonal." Her voice is amazing, feel free to look up the song "Now or Never" featuring her.

2. Betty Who

She is one of the few artists where I actually like EVERY song from the album. This is her most popular one, check out "Runaways" that's my fave from her.

3. Kerli

I know, I know. I've mentioned her like 100 times in my blog already, she's probably my favorite female vocalist without a doubt. I love every single one of her songs.

4. Blondfire

Blondfire is very underrated. Although this song may sound familiar, it's been played in a couple commercials and is the most popular. Check out their other songs, just doesn't disappoint.

5. Ryn Weaver

I found Ryn Weaver on twitter actually, one of her followers followed me or something like that, I'm glad they did though. She is very attractive too, so that's also a plus.

6. Kitten

First impression I didn't think I was going to like this band, but right when this song started, I knew I would. I found out about the band Kitten because of the Fifa 13 soundtrack three years ago. Their song "G#" was featured in it and this band grew on me.

7. Sky Ferreira

Ok you might know her. She is probably the most popular out of all the artists in this list. I'm proud to say I've been listening to her for years now.

8. Misterwives

A very catchy, indie, and upbeat band, that I found last year because of other bands like Smallpools, The Royal Concept, Parade Of Lights, blah blah blah. How can you not like this song?

9. Ingrid Michaelson

Her voice is just fantastic, very underrated, and I love her lyrics too. This song is featuring the band "A Great Big World", who is famous for their song "Say Something."

10. We Are The In Crowd

First song I heard from them, loved it immediately, kinda reminds me of a more alternative "Paramore."

So when people ask you, "Woah dude where did you hear this from!?"....you probably won't say "Oh Cheyenne Fuller's blog!" Hahaha that's alright though, hope you enjoyed, feel free to thank me(; thanks for reading my dawgs.

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Having Depression And Being Bipolar

"I'm not depressed, I'm not depressed, why would I be depressed?" I don't think I've ever been "depressed," I mean isn't depression when you're sad for a long period of time? Have you ever been content with what you're doing? I mean you're just neutral. You're not happy, you're not sad, you're just going on with your daily activities and suddenly you just get all sad and angry?

Moods suck. I have sympathy for people with depression. You don't know what they're going through. "Oh it's gonna be fine, tons of people love you blah blah." Saying that won't help them, you don't know what they're going through. 

In my opinion, I highly believe depression is mostly caused or triggered by someone else or other people. That makes no sense? Here's an example, lets say you lost your leg, you'd be depressed. But what if everyone else in the world lost their leg too? You're all in the same boat, you don't feel as bad right? No one is at a disadvantage.

I'll never understand myself or bipolar people. "OH HOW ARE YOU DOING!?(:" they say with a huge smile on their face. *5 minutes later* "JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO ANYONE!" I'll never understand. I've dealt with so many people like this in my life. It's annoying, but I don't judge them. Maybe their going through a lot? Maybe at the times when they're "happy" they're actually not. They're just faking it. Naaahhhhh.

I don't think I'm depressed, I dunno. Some days I'm totally fine chilling with my friends, messing around being stupid, working, gettin dat cash money, writing etc. AHHH isn't life great!?" I'll say in the morning looking out the window, eating breakfast, daily activities, admiring the beauty in this world, chillin with the homies, having fun, laughing.

Some days I'm not fine. "This world is a bit unfair to me." I'll be walking and seeing people having more fun than me, they seem like they have everything they want. A nice vehicle, really good looking clothes, in a great relationship, very attractive looking. The list goes on and on. Some people have to go through more unnecessary crap and the most horrible experiences just to get to where those people are. I believe that's what triggers my thoughts most of the time. It's what almost automatically makes me think that they don't belong in my life. How selfish of me right? Lol.

Sometimes I'll get suddenly sad and mad for no reason. Usually I'm happy and my usual self ya know? And then all of a sudden BOOM. You'll think of something random, you're deep in thought, but you can't remember what it was you thought of, but it made you THINK HARD. It made you upset and sad. You keep yourself away from people, turn your phone off, and just sit there mad at the world. Perhaps you vent to random people and take it out on them? Perhaps you seek help? I've done that. I hate venting to people but it helps. Shows who your true friends are.

I'm a huge believer that the less people in your life, the less depressed you'll be. You see that's where I went wrong. I know so many people, I made tons of friends friends, made moments, memories. Good and bad. Maybe you did too. Maybe they were all good? But for some odd reason, it just depresses you for some reason. You don't know why. I don't know why either. Something is missing.

You're not attractive enough, you're not wealthy enough, everyone is secretly happier than you. You're making assumptions, you're giving up to easy. You're now depressed, but then something good happens to you all of a sudden. HOPE! It gave you hope, now you're happy. In a better mood, back to your phone, back to your friends, hanging out, confidence, and happiness. I feel fantastic. Wait whaaaaa? Bipolar much?

I honestly don't know if I'm "depressed" or "bipolar." I don't think I am. But if I'm thinking about it something is up right? Do you ever think about it? I've had my true friends throughout life, I have a car, I have nice things, I had girlfriends, food on the table, fun siblings, great memories. Why should I be depressed? Why you sad brooooo??

Comparing yourself to people. I did all the time in middle school and beginning of high school. Everyone had cellphones, relationships, hung out, went to the parties, got to do all the fun stuff. Me? I did too, but I had to go through the most unnecessary crap for all that, which gave my life some pretty funny, yet unbelievable moments. You wouldn't believe it. It depressed me sometimes.....or a lot. It got better sophomore year when my dad died, I was free to do all of that now. But wait, my dad died? My family always arguing? You ever ask yourself? "Why the hell am I always the one at a disadvantage? Why do I always have to work harder and try harder to get money, the relationships, happiness, excitement, and cool things compared to all these stuck up jackasses who get everything handed down to them? Handed down money, perfect looks, awesome car for their birthday. All this stuff they get for free. It's unfair. It makes me angry." I know some of you feel the same way, you feel selfish, but you feel it. Admit it. Don't deny it.

This isn't about me, It's really not. I'm not going deep, just mixed emotions every day. Working on it.

I know I know, this post is all over the place. You probably don't even know what I'm talking about. It's currently 2:00 a.m. as I write this. The weirdest thoughts just come into my head at the night. After I post this I'll probably be all like "Woah ok I think I'm crazy or something." Whatever I can't be the only one thinking like this.

When I'm sad or upset I stay away from my phone. Going on a rant. I hate social media, get a life for God's sake. I don't wanna see all you people smiling and posing on your Instagram, Snapchat, and Facebook every day like the world is your best friend lol haha. I'll purposely try to think of something that'll put myself down even more. I'll try to convince myself to dislike certain people. To make things more dramatic. Isn't that weird? A little insane? I know people who cut themselves, even one person who committed suicide. I guess it just puts them out of their misery. No more pretending, no more feelings, no more worrying. It's all over. Who's afraid of death? It shouldn't be that scary, you don't feel anything.

But you're destroying your loved ones. Have someone you were close to ever die? You were obviously sad. Sometimes I think and have little episodes in my head about what and how my family, and friends would say and react to me committing suicide. Like it'll go deep, it's almost like I'm creating my own movie in my mind. I kill myself, and I get to see how my family reacts, then my friends. All over social media, I get to predict the looks on everyone's face when they look on Facebook to see that I'm dead. I wonder what they would think. I wonder who'd come to my funeral. I wonder who'd cry, who'd care, who'd wonder. Who would say, "Why did he do such a think?" I wonder who would think about me..

Not that I ever thought about committing suicide, noooo that's wack lol. But I always think about what maybe the outcome would be. I know people would be sad, I'd be the center of attention but I wouldn't know because I'm dead. I'll play episodes in my head pretending I'm dead. Seeing episodes of how my friends would react. Sometimes it's fun to do this? Wait what? I'm serious though. Thoughts like this make me think I'm bipolar, not depressed though. But I never act bipolar around people though, it'll bring them down, so I try to make it seem like I'm doing alright. Sometimes people will lift me up and make me feel better. I'll talk to a random person, make a new friend. Gosh it's great. Some people are amazing. 

Music helps, listening to the "feely, goosebump, emotion music ya know? A lot of Jimmy Eat World, Lydia, and Avril Lavigne I've been likin lately. Or like talking to a good friend, I actually talk to strangers and make friends with them when I'm feeling down. It's actually not awkward to me at all believe it or not. It's a fresh start, a new beginning. They don't know you, you don't know them. It's a tingly feeling that I love. No fakeness in the beginning, it's perfect. Another Facebook friend and Instagram follower hahaha. I hate how people don't find it awkward to go on freakin Tinder or an online datng site, but they find it awkward if someone says hello to you on the street. This world has changed and I don't like it one bit.

I hate being by myself, I love my friends. Sometimes I'm content with being alone though. I don't need popularity, I don't need social media. I really don't. All I need is my real friends, a lover, a life plan, and happiness. The less pointless things I have, the more happy I am. Gosh isn't that so true? "I'm perfectly fine, but I want more, I want more money, I want to look better, I want a really cute girlfriend who I can talk to and do anything with, a better looking car." It's all just selfishness. Why are we all feeling so bad? Shouldn't we be feeling good? If we act so depressed we won't get any of those great things.

Maybe you're not bipolar or depressed. You're just thinking too much. You have a lot of great things, you're just overthinking, assuming before anything even happened. Maybe that led to you being depressed, I wouldn't doubt it. I say just stick to your true friends, delete those other people and accessories out of your life.

Ya know who I'm talking about. The people on Facebook and Instagram you follow, but you aren't that good of friends with them, you're just following them because they're attractive and you hope that they acknowledge you even though they never will, the people you compare yourself to. They're making you feel like crap. Start accepting the truth. Deep down they make you feel like they're better than you. They have more money, they're better looking, they have a hot boyfriend/hot girlfriend, everything you want, they have. They're depressing you. You don't need them. Unfollow them, unfriend them, delete them. It's not their fault because they're just being themselves, but weirdly enough, it's hurting you. It's just the way you think, unless you can change the way you think, stay away from people who don't care about you. They're not your true friend anyway.

Sometimes I wish people would just be real. Show how they truly feel, not try to look so cool behind their friends, acting like they're too cool for the world. Looking like every other person. Everyone is starting to look and act the same to me. We need more people who show me their soul ya know? Shows me the real person they are.

You're just going through something, anything, silly or not, it's bringing you down. I can't help you. The only person who can help you is you. You're thinking too much. You need to relax. Realize the great things around you. Talk to people, people like you and me understand. There's still great people in this horrible world ya know (; haha. You can do this. So corny right? I'm serious though.

Maybe we're all just crazy. Maybe I'm just crazy. Maybe this post made no sense. Who knows? Just don't kill yourself. Lol.

Cheyenne Fuller

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