Now let's continue (:
Crazy how nowadays you can meet someone who can completely change your life just by the swipe of a button and a couple of slick pick-up lines, or simply just being attractive to that person.
If you haven't read my last blog post "Socialization In This Generation", I'd suggest reading it. This post is kinda an funny, make-you-cringe, advice topic to compliment that post. Almost like a part 2. So go read that before you read this.
Approaching the opposite sex is now considered creepy, weird, and awkward, unless you're attractive. of course. Compared to back then when we didn't have online dating and it was completely normal and flattering.
But none of that matters because it's the new way of life now. I guess I and others who agree with me just have to shut up and deal with it. Of course there's still that 20% of the world who still believes in doing things the classy way and being I dunno, normal? Nahhhh forget that, is anything normal in this generation anyway?
Time for some honesty.
Back in Middle School and High School, all my things, flings, and whatever were because of actual face-to-face communication. No online stuff involved. Once I started college though, things changed.
In my three years of college, only one time I've "dated" someone after meeting them in person. The rest were from Tinder.
I mentioned it in the last post, and I will again. Tinder, POF, Christian Mingle, Zoosk, and Match.com are the popular ones, I guess there is some upcoming ones too.
So after I did a little research, I found the main reasons to why people are using these apps.
- Afraid of approaching, rejection, or awkward communication
- They aren't finding the "right" person for them in real-time communication
- Hooking up
- Business(Drug & Alcohol dealing)
- Prostitution & Money
At first glance, when I very first found out about these apps, I was wrong to think that only socially inept or introverts used those apps, but then they just grew and grew and became so popular.
Like I talked about before, approaching the opposite sex because of attraction, is just harder in this generation because of the expansion and growth of online sites. It allows people to get rejected or become successful with the opposite sex by being lazy. It's caused all of us to jump to the conclusion that online dating is the next level, face-to-face interaction is a lost art, unless the people you come across are seen regularly and are of course, attractive.
And because of this is why I've had some experience with online sites, but just two. And I'll be more than happy to share with you guys the techniques that have worked and not worked with me and the oh so fun awkward experiences that still come with it.
Geez give me some credit for being honest and writing this stuff online and sharing this nonsense with you guys.
Freshman year of college I just was not looking for a girlfriend. Well I was, but I just wasn't mentally there, but I mean you still obviously want a girl or someone to romantically or whatever hangout with you know what I mean? Yes I know it sounds horrible, but I'm trying to put it in the best way possible without it making me look like I'm a manslut or something lol.
Last year, my sophomore year of college, I was financially more stable, have a car, a job, and can now, if I want, get a girlfriend. But the difference is that I transferred from DBU, where all the outgoing, pretty kind girls were, to TCC, where there still are pretty girls(they're pretty girls everywhere) but they aren't looking to settle at TCC, neither am I and are either waiting for a relationship, are already married with kids, or are complete introverts. They go to class and then they leave right after. It is NOT a fun college atmosphere at community colleges.
Don't get me wrong I had things with some college girls that I met in person, but believe me, meeting someone on Tinder compared to in person is just different. It's kinda hard to explain, but you have this thought in the back of your mind. "I met her on Tinder." And meeting someone in person, to me, is just more intimate and meaningful. More memorable in my opinion, it's something special, especially if you end up dating or perhaps getting married to that person.
So that's that. I'm no going into detail.
Now the actual using the app part. There is only three online dating apps I've EVER downloaded. Tinder, POF(Plenty Of Fish), and Christian Mingle.
Ok so, Christian Mingle I downloaded the very day I moved to Texas 2 years ago, and I immediately thought it was foolish. "Why did I download this again?" You had to pay money to meet people pretty much, and I just didn't think it was worth it, I deleted the app the first day, but I forgot to actually DEACTIVATE my account, so it surprised me when one day, like a year later, one of my friends told me that she saw my profile on there. "Oh no no no, trust me I'm not on there." I laughed. It's definitely for some people though, I'm not bashing it at all, just not me.
POF I had for about a week until I deactivated my account. In my opinion you just couldn't find quality people and the boy to girl ratio is just unbelievable, 10% chance a girl would respond to your message. I deleted it the day that a attractive girl messaged me saying "Alright hun $100 for the night, you can come over and do whatever you want with me, just make sure you have the money. "Nope, I ain't desperate," I deleted the app. A waste of time and a huge chance of catching STD's or something lol.
Tinder is the one I found the success in. How it works for those who don't know, it's pretty simple. It gives you a list of the opposite sex around you, depending on the specified location and miles apart you have set. You swipe left(no) if you're not interested or attracted to the person and you swipe right(yes) if you're attracted to the person. I like this because you don't have to waste your time messaging people and not knowing if they're interested or not in the first place. You usually run out of likes after you consistently swipe on I'd like to say 70 or 80 people it seems? And you have to wait 12 hours to "play" again. Specifically I'd like to say you get 70 chances to swipe right per day.
I look at Tinder almost like a strategy game, I try my best to standout from the other guys, cause that is pretty much what it is, a contest against your competitors to see who the girl will message and who she finds most interesting.
I have a friend who has a Tinder and she is an attractive girl. One time we were hanging out with some other friends and we all showing each other our Tinder profiles for fun. For every swipe session she has(around 80 per day), she ends up matching with 20 guys per day. She is VERY picky too, I'd like to say the average attractive girl on Tinder matches with around 30 guys per day, until they decide to unmatch them depending on their creepy messages etc, but that is something I don't know at all, a guess and an assumption.
You see, something I do know is that some guys just constantly swipe right and don't even expand on the girl's profile to see what their intentions are. (They do this usually because 80% of the girls on Tinder are actually very attractive) Doing this actually lessens their chances because they're wasting their likes on girls who aren't attracted to them, They aren't taking the time to ask themselves, "Hmmm am I actually interested in this girl? Would this girl actually swipe right on me?
Now I'll share with you my strategy, or what works for ME. "Rules" of mine if you will. And noooooo I'm not a "pro" or whatever, there's no such thing. This is just what I do, and I'm just sharing for the fun of it. FOR THE FUN OF IT I REPEAT, so don't take this too seriously readers.
Trust me, after seeing my friends' Tinder account around a year ago it really helped seeing from a girl's point of view.
Rule #1 - Know Your Intentions And Her Intentions. -
Let's be for real. Realistically, 95% of the people on Tinder are looking for either two things. Hooking up or dating, experimenting, and trying to find a "soulmate" or whatever. The other 5% is the stuff I mentioned above. So before you swipe or even message a girl you've matched with make sure you know her intentions. Read her frickin bio and study her pictures, you can usually tell. You're not gonna ask a Christian girl who's looking for a man of Christ to spend the night with you. Although on rare occasions, some girls you didn't think would be naughty end up actually surprising you...but besides that, play it safe and know her intentions.
Rule #2 - No Bland First Messages. -
This means for the first message quit saying just "Hey" or "Hi." Or horny messages like "DTF?"(Down To F$%#) or "Movies and cuddling at my place?" There are so many guys this girl has matched with and they are doing the same thing, and the only ones who will end up getting messaged back are the top of the top attractive ones. It all comes down to attractiveness, but if you want to show that you're not just some dude, like the rest, then try to stand out, but don't go overboard. It's hard to explain, you just have to be confident and yourself, but distance yourself from the competition. Pshhh I dunno, let me try to explain. (I crossed out their names but I only now realized I still mentioned their name in the text lol)
Usually whenever I message a girl, I try to incorporate something that is on her bio into the first message I send her. If her bio is pretty bland, then I'll keep it simple with something like "Hey you're an absolute babe. How's it going?" or something along the lines of that. I like to mix up, I try not to always send the same things to girls cause it's not special. I usually message girls based on what I'm doing at the moment or what's on her bio. Also, if I can't think of a first message to send, asking a question is more likely to get a reply back instead of just saying something. And remember although I found some success on this site, along with that comes the ton of rejection(not getting messaged back). It always involves rejection, TONS of it, so never feel bad, it literally happens to everyone.
Rule #3 - Quit Telling Them That They're Attractive -
The first line I said above is good enough and all you need. Don't over do it.
Quit saying all that "Hey you're really pretty." "You're soooooo attractive." "You're absolutely gorgeoussssss." stuff. Every guy says that and even though some girls like it, most girls here it all the freakin time and respond with "Thank You." even though they're really thinking "OMMMGGG YOU THINK I'M ATTRACTIVE!? WELL THANK YOU FOR NOTICING! EVERYONE TELLS ME THAT TOO!" Sometimes, you get friendzoned if you do that. You already matched with her, she swiped right on you, so obviously there is something about you that she's attracted to, you swiped right on her so she already knows you're attracted to her. Many girls will disagree with me on this one and tell you to be a "gentleman", but just trust me, you can be a classy guy without constantly throwing compliments desperately waiting to get one back. Quit telling her she's pretty and keep her guessing, cause she is waiting for you to do it just like every other guy. Do the opposite of Shia Labeouf and "Just don't do it!" Lol. Only until you see her in person you should compliment, not on Tinder though.
Rule #4 - Knock It Off With The Ab Pics. -
"OMG LADIES!! LOOK AT THIZ GUY I JUSS MATCHED WIZ! HE HAS ABBZZZZ <3 <3!!"
Hmmm I wonder if girls actually do that....probably not.
So many other guys have abs too, better ones than you probably, and they don't even boast about it. In my opinion it's not a big deal, and there is nothing wrong in being confident with yourself, but geez c'mon, there's so many other pictures of yourself that ladies will find more attractive and interesting instead of a damn ab pic that they probably come across from different guys on Tinder 50 times a day. You honestly have a better chance of matching with a girl if you have a pic with your mom compared to a mirror selfie. Exceptions if you're on the beach or at a party or something, but way to many guys have the gym abs selfie as a picture and end up looking uninteresting and boring. But hey I guess it still works for some.
Rule #5 - Chill With The Smiley Faces Dude - What are you still in high school or something? Middle School maybe? If I were a girl and got a message from a 40 year old with a smiley face, I'd be creeped out, Ok I'm just overreacting I know, kinda kidding, but something about it makes me think "fake" and not truthful. Haha obviously this isn't always true, but it's just the vibe I would get if they kept doing it. Can you not have a convo without putting a smiley face or "lol in every single message? Exceptions to if you know the girl already obviously. Smiley faces just making seem small ok? LOL. Not a big deal though, I probably use a smiley every once in a while.
Ok stupid rule, but I needed 10, so just bare with me hahaha
Rule #6 - Talk Like You Already Know Her And Stop Using Small Talk -
Small talk means "How are you?" or "What do you like to do for fun?" Save that stuff for when you're actually with her. Get to the point, with your intentions but don't come on too strong, light flirting without the "pretty" or "gorgeous" compliments, she already knows she is hot. You know what I mean haha. If anything fails and you run out of ideas, MUSIC is the best thing to get the conversation rolling.
Rule #7 - Your Bio -
Either two things are done wrong. The gentleman's bio is wayyyy too long or the guy doesn't even have a bio! Girls actually read the bios guys haha, and don't make it long. She's trying to use Tinder not read an English assignment. It makes you look like you're trying too hard. Oh and even if hooking up and sex is your intentions, DON'T PUT IT ON YOUR BIO FOOL. Although it could possibly work, it lowers your chances. I'm surprised some idiots actually do that. And even worse I'm surprised it even WORKS for them, but I say play it safe. Keep it light and simple, here is what mine used to look like. Keep them guessing.
Tons of guys obviously have much better ones than mine, but they are good at what they do, complete players and really creative too, just be funny, humble, light, etc. Don't overthink a dating app. Remember it's a dating app, don't take this shit seriously.
Rule #8 - Be Consistent -
Some girls may say it's "annoying" or the guy seems "desperate" when he texts back right away but I say do it anyway, Remember as much as I hate to say the truth, she is messaging other guys exactly at the same time she is messaging you. If you take forever to respond, you will be at the bottom of the pack and might not get a message back because she now knows more about the guys who were consistent compared to you.
Rule #9 - Don't Message Multiple Girls At The Same Time -
Girls aren't stupid. Well some are lol, but anyway they can just tell, I don't know how, but most girls are geniuses and can tell. If you match with let's sayyyyy 7 girls, then just message only two. This way you have all your focus and attention on them and aren't getting mixed up, they are two different people. Make it special. You don't have to try and look like a player, or look cool.
Rule #10 - Have Respect -
Even if messaging a girl "Down to f%!*?" or Friends with benefits?" actually worked, I still wouldn't do it. It's just something a boy does, not a man. She's a human being not a piece of meat. If you end up hooking up with her, stay the night with her, don't leave. She gave you what you wanted, so you can at least give her the intimacy and emotion that she may want. Lol I don't even know what I'm talking about, I'm cringing while writing this yo.
Overview. If you like someone and they like you, I suggest focusing on that person and deleting that app. It ruins relationships and causes trust problems. But if you're looking to have fun, pshhhh honestly can't think of a better solution than Tinder.
Like I said before, those methods(rules) I came up with are what I use for myself, you probably have ideas of your own that are much better than mine, these are just opinionated suggestions of mine.
Pretty good? Stupid? Dumb? Pointless? I ain't no King of Girls, tell me what you think. Tell me your strategies. This is just fun guys, I'm having fun writing this.
Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it.
Cheyenne Fuller,
https://www.instagram.com/kingofawkward23/
https://twitter.com/kingofawkward23
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