I actually dedicate this post to my college roommate Jonathon, I know he won't mind me writing about him. He'll read this and then send me a snapchat with a goofy grin probably haha. Our honesty towards each other is 100%. That's what make people good friends.
Ever since growing up I've been kinda like a role model to my best friends, just cause of my courage and creativity when it came to girls, socializing, being in public, etc. I guess. After moving to Texas and making friends in college it was the same thing, except more extreme this time.
Jonathon, and some of the other friends I made were so innocent and insecure. Who cares though right? Never kissed a girl, never been in a relationship, too nervous, many rejections, and all that good stuff lol. Absolutely no experience with girls whatsoever. I was almost like a hero to them, even though I'm honestly not that attractive at all and had my fair share of rejections and turn downs too.
"What Cheyenne!? You kissed a girl when you were 12 years old!? No WAYYYY! How'd you do it!??" "OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! DUDE! DUDE! LOOK AT THAT GIRL OVER THERE! ISN'T SHE HOT DUDE!?" says Jonathon the first week of college as he constantly elbows me trying to get my attention. "Quit talking so damn loud, she's gonna hear us." I whispered to him every time he did this. "Jonathon acts as if he's never seen a girl before" joked our other good friend and roommate Bill. "Wow this girl is pretty attractive." said Bill calmly laying on his bed one time, creeping on some girl on Instagram. "WHERE!? WHERE!? LET ME SEE!" yells Jonathon as he almost fell and rolled off his bed trying to get a look.
Remember what I said about "first impressions will always be the first thing people judge you on?" Well I have MAD RESPECT for the non-frat, not-the-best looking guys, for going after the really pretty sorority girls here at college. I saw a couple of rejections and they weren't pretty, in fact they were brutal. I remember one of my friends(I'll keep his name confidential), a kind non-frat guy asking a sorority girl to some dance thing. He had a big crush on her. She turned him down by saying she wasn't planning on going to the dance, but last minute she ended up going with this one frat guy who always had his hair slicked back with what looked like too much hair gel. I knew because I was also friends with him and I knew the sorority girl. I didn't tell my other friend though. That would hurt. Pretty brutal move by that chick huh? I thought she was nice at first, but kinda just lost my respect for her after that. A very stuck up girl as I got to know her myself. Not worth any of my friends time. I would usually give my friends my brutal honest opinion when they told me who they looked. I'm not letting my friends waste their time or get rejected hard!
Remember DBU is a private Christian college, sorority girls weren't exactly the same as the sorority girls in colleges such as University of North Texas or University of Texas at Arlington. I would know because my other non-frat, more out-going friends and I visited there, made friends with some of them, and even went to a couple of the parties. They were sweet and nice for sure, more flirty, seemed a little more outgoing than the DBU girls, and usually gave all guys a chance, but they weren't into Christ and God as much though, obviously cause they LOVED partying. But hey I dunno right? Just pathetic assumptions from yours truly.
She didn't like him. Obvious. Automatic friendzone. In fact, they were barely even friends, she was too cool to even say hi to him around her friends. I tried to cheer him up by telling him the TRUTH. "Dude don't even worry about it, you didn't even get rejected, you're just finding out she's not the one for you, in fact I'm glad you didn't end up with her, if she can't see the kindness in you then you can do better." I said. "You really think so??" said Jonathon with this goofy grin on his face. He went after another 10. An extremely cute blonde sorority girl, and this time it was just an awkward "obviously not interested in you" rejection. It was hard watching this stuff happen to my friends. Why the hell were they coming to me for advice? I was having my troubles too.
"Got your eye on any girls here Cheyenne? There's a lot of pretty girls here at DBU huh?" asked Brandon, one of my friends during a Psychology class we had. There were around 30 people in the class only, just 5 guys and the rest were girls. "Eh they're alright I guess, nothing to get crazy about." I said trying to sound all cool. Deep down I knew they were pretty, they were actually gorgeous.
I always told myself, a girl is a girl. "If you're attracted to her then you're attracted to her and if you're not then you're not." Does it really matter if they're in a sorority or not? "Yes actually it does matter" "But why?" I was always having arguments and debates with myself. I'm weird. I'm always giving my friends advice, help with getting the pretty girls and stuff, but yet I'm the one being the chump.
I remember earlier in the year before Rush Week for sororities and frats started I sat next to this girl named Kallie in this Old Testament Class I was forced to take. She was also twins with her other sister. They were both in my Psychology class too. Sure I'm outgoing, extroverted, I have my fun with my friends, I have my "I don't care what you think" moments but I'm still more of an introvert. I'm a thinker, listener, I'll study people closely, trying to be as less creepy as possible lol. She seemed more introverted then her sister. Perfect. I always smiled at her when we passed ways, had small talk about the pointless things during class, I was awkward, as usual lol. I thought I liked her kinda. Until she joined a sorority I decided it was not gonna happen. No chance. Don't even think about it.
"Well why aren't you going after her anymore, just because she's in a sorority doesn't mean anything does it? You're friends with some of the sorority girls!" said Jonathon. "I dunno man, I just feel like sorority girls bring so much attention to themselves. It's too good to be true ya know? It doesn't matter. Kallie's out of my league anyway." "What!? You're always the one telling me that anything can happen why are you being a pussy!?" joked Jonathon.
Ok stop for a sec, I'm gonna go off topic for a sec. This is for all my insecure, dorky, kind nerds out there. A perfect example. Picture a group of sorority girls. Let's say 5 of them. 4 of them are taken by attractive, tall, Zac Efron-looking, frat guys. One of them isn't. You like her. She may like you. But wait you're not tall, you're just 5'10, you're not as attractive, not as confident, not as wealthy, don't have a nice vehicle. You're gonna be compared. So you lose hope and courage. So nope you automatically assume it's not gonna happen. Don't even try. Her friends are gonna compare their boyfriends to hers. Call you unattractive and stuff. Just don't do it. Her family is high-class. "Do I really want my daughter dating this guy?" See what I'm saying here? This is what goes through a disadvantaged introverts mind ladies and gentleman. Ok back to the story.
Then Bill and I decided to give him the realistic talk.
"No pretty sorority girl is going to go after an ugly, no vehicle, non-frat, inexperienced loser." I said, kinda in a mean tone. Not trying to refer to him. "They want a big mouth, chisel chinned, overly-confident, cocky frat guy." said Bill, kinda jokingly. "Listen Jonathon, I'm sorry because I haven't been helping you in the past. We have to be realistic. These frat guys are taking these girls skating, dancing, fancy restaurants, adventures in their huge trucks, and everything. They're out of our league, not for us. Are you able to do any of that?" I asked him. He slowly shook his head no. "I mean don't get me wrong, not all sorority girls here are the same." I said. "Yes they are." said Bill stopping me. "They think the same, dress the same, only want attractive cocky frat boys and only think about what's good for them and don't realize when they hurt someone's feelings." he explained. "They are, they all have turned me down and used the same damn excuse. In fact it's not just the sorority girls, it's just the really pretty girls in general. I'm not attractive enough, I'm at a disadvantage, they don't understand how good of a person I really am." said Jonathon. "Well I mean you just have to be realistic, maybe lower your standards." I said, not noticing how mean that sounded.
"I don't just want any girl, I want a girl I think is gorgeous, a girl I can love, a girl I can I can talk to about anything, why is it so hard? If only they could take the time to actually get to know me and not judge me by my looks. I would truly treat them perfectly." If only girls could hear the way Jonathon talked and the way he showed his emotion. They would fall in love with him in a heartbeat.
There were actually a lot of really nice sorority girls at DBU. Hannah, Lauren, Kallie, many others. Why am I mentioning names though? You don't know them lol. Oh well there are tons of girls named Lauren and Hannah haha they'll never know who I'm talking about. They were always so kind and I even tried convincing myself that they might even be interested in me, but I never went after any of them because I was convinced other guys were talking to them, it was too good to be true, I wasn't good enough for them. Why even try? Some attractive guy who had it all was gonna get them. It always ended that way. I thought about what Jonathon said, of course I wanted a beautiful girl! Who doesn't!? These other guys just got us beat though.
My friends seemed to get along with the "non-sorority" girls better than the sorority girls, for me a girl is just a girl. Ok it kills me to say this but in other words, "the girls who aren't as attractive as the sorority girls." It's just a brutal opinion that MOST guys would agree with me on, why aren't most of the frats going after the non-sorority girls? Or a better question! Why are the non-frats more attracted to the sorority girls? You know the answer lol. But hey not all guys are like this, I know some frats who are dating non-sororities and vice versa, it's just rare though.
Lowering and highering your standards on girls? Isn't that kinda mean? Nahhhhh girls do this stuff to us guys all the time too. I tried to convince myself that obviously all sorority girls, dress the same, act the same, talk the same, do EVERYTHING the same, but deep down they have to be thinking differently, wanting something out of the ordinary right?" They're in their big groups all the time but no way they all want the same thing right? Or maybe they do want the same cliche things. The frat guys who all acted the same and differed from my friends and I. I kept trying to tell myself that, but nope didn't seem like it lol. Always over thinking.
"Dude I feel the same way." I told Jonathon. "I just want a girl I can talk to, listen to music with, go on drives with, do something different and out of the ordinary, adventures, not cowboy dances. Not things cliche things all these sorority girls are doing." I said. "I'm not "lowering" my standards by not going after sorority girls, I'm just trying to find the "one" maybe more of an introverted girl who isn't so focused on how many damn instagram likes she gets." I joked. We both laughed at that. We both felt the same.
Introvert thinking. It was weird though because I knew people, but at the same time I just wasn't confident enough to ask any of them out yet. I thought it would be an automatic rejection. "Ehhh you're not that attractive brahhhh don't embarrass yourself bud."
So I was usually on the search for attractive girls who weren't in a sorority, cheer leading, and the dance team when I got my chance. Oddly for me, a girl who constantly gets hit on...I oddly don't find her that attractive unless I didn't know she got hit on all the time. Does that make sense? It's like a mental automatic turnoff kinda. It's weird. Told you I'm weird and deep.
I wanted a pretty girl who doesn't bring so much attention to herself and doesn't care about popularity. A girl all the guys don't know and aren't looking to hit on all the time. That's my type of girl. Know who you want. I kept trying to tell myself that it doesn't matter if they're in a sorority or not though. The problem is that I get so jealous. Jealousy was the problem, not popularity. I was pretty popular in college, had my variety of friends, but deep down I was introvert thinking and I definitely wasn't as confident as I acted. I wasn't going to go after a sorority girl because confident attractive guys were always freakin talking to her. Competition. I had to actually TRY to make them like me. That's hard, especially versing guys 6'2, 4 inches taller than me and much more attractive. Nahhh I don't need any of that. I will lose, those frat guys got me beat. Ok no more sorority girls, don't even think about it I'd tell myself. There were actually TONS of girls who weren't in a sorority and were actually GORGEOUS. I got along with them perfectly, it was about time. But now it was nearing the end of the year, I decided not to ask any of them out. It was pointless, I have a vehicle now, but at the time I didn't even have a car, another disadvantage. That might be the whole reason I was doubting myself! "They'd reject me if they knew that lol." I laughed to myself. Time screwed me over. Or I just screwed myself over.
So what's the verdict in the end? Really nothing, it's all opinion, after reading this I know TONS if not ALL sorority girls are gonna be like "That is not true, we're all really nice. We give everyone a chance! We're all different in our own way!!" ...K haha(: Honestly I believe it's not even about sorority girls...I believe it's about whether you're attractive or not. Right? I've seen some sorority girls dateless too. Yeah let's go with that.
I think this all depends on who you are as a person and what you want. Your abilities and your aspects. There is a reason why some girls join a sorority and why some don't. More opportunities, more people, more things to do. Tons of reasons. I respect that. Sorority girls are nice. Well some. They're all on the search for some goal of sorts. I guess we just gotta figure out who we are. I asked some of my girlfriends why they didn't join a sorority. "It's for people who don't know how to make friends." "They peaked in High School, they're in desperation of attention now." "It's more of an extroverted thing." Just a bunch of different examples I've heard. Eh opinions are opinions. Can't say if I agree or not.
I in all honestly just spent most of my first college year actually just talking to other girls at different colleges, clubs, parties, and a couple Tinder dates, just goofing off and being a little flirt with my friends because we thought we were at a "disadvantage" compared to the frat guys at DBU who were able to drive the chicks everywhere, do what they wanted, had the looks, the money, blah blah. We really were at a disadvantage though. We weren't gonna get into a relationship here. Not frat material. Not as good lookin ya know? Thinkers not talkers. Maybe worried about people at DBU knowing our business. Campus of around 5,000 students. Talk goes around.
It's amazing how you could tell a frat guy from a non-frat guy. They were USUALLY more attractive, more out-going, knew all the pretty girls, had the cool vehicles. It was high-class. Well in DBU at least I guess. I dunno it is an expensive school.
Nah I kid I kid. Just take chances and try, but be realistic. We all want someone attractive. It's not the girls fault she doesn't find you attractive. Get over it. Do you really know what she's thinking? If she's pretty she's pretty. Sorority or not. The older you get the more competition. Jealousy will happen. Overcome it. Know what you want and that's it. Simple right? You'll do fine kid. Your chances may be low, but that doesn't mean they're impossible. Just cause she's pretty doesn't mean she's your type. Remember that. Infinite pretty girls in this world with different attitudes. It's amazing. Don't think about what the people WHO AREN'T YOUR FRIENDS ARE THINKING. Because they're part of the reason you're too afraid. Go after what you want and just move on with life. Whatever happens happens. This world wouldn't be fun if we were always successful. We all can't be perfect looking, nahhhh would that be enjoyable?? Would that be fun?
Remember in NO WAY am I saying sorority girls are more attractive than girls who aren't in a sorority, because that isn't true. My friends and I personally assumed sorority girls were into more confident, high class gentleman compared to the non-frat introverts. To sum it up, they weren't thinking about us at all hahaha. We were never in their mind. Brutal truth hurts. At least we know. Each girl in this world is their own individual beauty and person. Sorority or not. Does that make sense?
This post was very stupid and I have no clue why I wrote it. Just a pointless overthinking subject that introverts are bothered by haha. Just wanted to let you guys know that.
In the end, remember that there will always be someone for you who will be more attractive to you than the previous person you liked. I'll remember to tweet that one on Twitter haha.
Cheyenne Fuller
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