Blogging Is Stupid.

Having this blog is so annoying sometimes. It nags on you if you haven't been writing on it for awhile. "C'mon c'mon, quit being lazy, why do you have it?" Write something. "Nah nah, who's gonna read this crap?"

Then you always have to re-word things and make sure you don't come off as self-absorbed. It's crazy how often you think of random people in your life when you write too.

"Hmmmm but Brett won't like it if I say this....but dang Kelsey definitely won't agree with me on this statement......But you ignore it anyway and keep writing. Blogs aren't made for the people around you to shape and change the way you want to say things that way it satisfies all your followers, nahhhhhh it don't work like that. It SHOULDN'T work like that.

It's funny too. Like the way a normal, average person will write and act when they own their own blog or when they're giving their opinion.

It's kinda like you act like you're soooo popular and you're sooooo famous and you have this big following where you have fans. But it's funny cause it's nothing like that. Sure you have a good amount of readers, but it's like....what am I doing this for again?

I have so many creative ideas to still write on. Things I will believe can get tons of reads, hopefully. I still can't believe my sorority/frat post blew up with reads, it's kinda funny. You gotta deal with negativity too that comes with it.

 I'ts been a year since I've had this thing and I like the way it looks so far. The way it represents me and how it has brought other people who are like me, closer to me and into my life. That is dope no doubt.

It's weird though. You have your mind and ego trying to tell yourself, "Ohhhhhh welllll then huh Mr. Badass? You just think you're better than everyone else huh? Cause you have a blog n stuff huh?"

I contemplate deleting it all the time. Just like Twitter, Insta, Snapchat, etc. it's kinda like an added extra, except blogs explain and show more true meaning. Who you really are, what are your thoughts and what are you are really trying to say.....but deep in your mind you still feel having all this, is just a way of telling yourself, oh yep I'm important, mhmmmmm, look at me, I got a blog.

That's my problem, I keep telling myself I don't care what others think, but maybe I really do? Cause what's deleting my blog going to solve? Nothing really.

It's an imaginary, pathetically unrealistic, yet peaceful place, where you are the star and you have all the attention on you, yet no one is looking at you, and this makes it so much easier to explain what you want to say.

We learn from each other, I have a lot of internet famous vloggers/bloggers and YouTubers who I've watched and actually looked up to. And they kinda shape the way you think, act, and say things.

I had my friend Matthew a couple of days ago message me on Facebook asking how I started my blog and that he wanted to do a blog on sports because he's full of information, expertise, and has a good all-around analysis on it.

He started his blog about a month ago and it looks absolutely great, he's getting tons of reads too.

It made me feel good. It makes you feel like you somewhat influenced the person's thinking. Maybe that's what it's all about. It's all about helping pick each other up from negative stand points, realizing the truth, and just influencing each other.

But hey just because something seems not worth doing, or seems stupid, that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it? Not if it kinda feels good right? I mean pointless sex is stupid right? But almost everyone does it/did it all the time.

I just re-read this post and I have no clue where I'm going with this. But I think I made some good points.

But I've made my mind up, I'm not deleting anything, I'm no quitter. And I want my wife and kids to read my blogs with me when I get older.

Yeah haha.

I think that'd be cool.

As Always, Thanks For Reading.

Cheyenne Fuller

https://twitter.com/kingofawkward23
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Are Philosophers And Deep Thinkers Depressed?

Thinking. It's a love/hate thing I have.

Like purposely thinking ya know?

Sometimes I like it simply because it makes me "feel" smarter and because some thoughts and choices may have influenced a positive impact on my life or prevented me from doing something I would've regretted later on. I dunno, either way we all "think."

But then sometimes I ask myself. Well why am I thinking about doing this? Why don't I just do it? If I hesitate then I won't want to do it anymore? Why am I thinking about thinking? Just stop thinking.

Aristotle, Plano, Socrates, yeah, yeah, yeah, all the famous philosophers we know. Sure, their opinions and work, it's some interesting stuff we should know but I'm not writing this to do research or give a works cited philosophy lesson.

I've just always thought to myself, well why would someone want to spend their whole life thinking about what or what not something could've been and how they could've changed it even though the past has already happened. Does that make sense?

Quotes from philosophers:

“Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something.” 
― Plato

“Those who know do not speak. Those who speak do not know.”
― Lao Tzu, Tao Teh Ching

“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” 
― Confucius

Something I don't understand about people who think and act like the philosopher Lao Tzu, is why does it matter? Who cares if you're right? Especially if you're not going to say anything you fool. Aren't you the foolish one if you're not going to open your mouth? So what you're going to spend your whole life thinking about what could be wrong and what could be right, and how you're right but nobody knows? And who says it or who doesn't say it? Doesn't that sound pathetic? Like a waste of time and thought?

But are thoughts wasted?

This is me. All me and my analysis to this, no research. But I'm starting to have this kind of insane assumption of mine, this labeling theory if you will, that MOST deep thinkers, introverts, and philosophers are depressed. Especially the deep thinkers and philosophers. Introvert doesn't have to be in the same discussion.

What is life? Because isn't this what philosophy questions? The questions and assumptions that the rest of the world cannot answer?

The way I see it, is that when you think deeply, or philosophically QUESTION the REASON to why you have something, or to why something happened, you're just bringing yourself down into a heap full of failure, depression, and wasting your time in thoughts of unnecessary assumptions.

I don't really know what I mean by this but i'll try to make a simple example.

Some people are single. Some people don't have a nice job. Some people didn't go to college. Some people had a relative pass away. So what did they do most of the time? Just continued on with life right? While with everyone there is always a short time relevance of emotion and mental hurt due to a problem they have faced, but over a week, 2 week span, they continued on with life and lived in the moment. The past is the past, you can't turn back. Almost everyone says that now.

But now with deep thinkers and philosophers, they're going to think and question why. "Well why am I single?" "Why did my brother pass away?" "Why don't I have a nice job?" And then what happens is that we go into a train of thought, whether it's a hypnotic thought on what could be happening if we did this or that differently. Or it could be a nostalgic thought on the past of what we could've done to make things better. Either way, it's absolutely useless thinking and isn't going to get us anywhere. Why? Because thinking about the past or something we're not even going to do isn't going to change our lives.

But we can't just stop thinking hypnotically can we?

Many different things can trigger the reason to why we get into deep thought. Comparing ourselves to other people, religion, and obviously a negative past experience are some that may.

The reason I think religion plays a big part in this is because if you believe in God, chances are you're going to live your life much differently than someone who doesn't believe in God. But struggling to believe in God or change your negative standards and actions could trigger deep thought into how to do this? Or why this is happening?

I have no evidence, but I do recall most philosophers(NOT DEEP THINKERS, JUST PHILOSOPHERS) being atheist because arguments for God in their opinion "fail" and because they can't see a "invisible man." Therefore in their opinions everything that happens in life is just due to ourselves and nature, and God had nothing to do with it.

What I still don't understand is that if the objective of philosophers is to INSPIRE the idea and human standards on life, then why does it backfire on most of the philosophers.

The way I see it is that, motivational, inspirational, positive socializing quotes all started with the psychological and philosophical thoughts of philosophers and deep thinkers. So what they're doing is trying to highly motivate others and convince them that this life is all we have. That we only have one chance and shouldn't live in the past. That we're going to regret taking these chances.

But as they tell the world this, they are the ones sitting down, thinking about what to think about, or thinking about what to change, or why this happened, and so on.

I just don't understand the logic in this at all. Maybe they enjoy thinking all the time? Nahhhhhhh because if life is spent trying to figure out why life is the way it is, then are you really living life?

Woahhhhhh I'll have to tweet that one later, that was good. I'm so impressed with myself.

I just feel like there is logic thinking and there is deep thinking. And I'm trying to convince myself not to post this as I write it because at the same time, without the help of SOME philosophers and their quotes, studies, etc. Many lives could've been much different than they are now, and not as much positive influence would've been brought upon these particular people, whoever they may be.

Words still can change lives.

It's just confusing. Because no one really likes to "think deeply right?" Do philosophers become philosophers because they want to? Or is it something they choose simply because it's a natural addiction to thought that they consistently have?

It's like the quote from the philosopher Confucius above. Life is really easier than we make it. Haha hey, I didn't say it was easy. It's just EASIER than we make it. Makes sense?

Life is just what happens. Someone's death didn't happen because you were thinking about something particularly. It just happened because that's what happens in life. We on a regular basis, some unfortunately more than others, face trials that will bring us down. But in truth the only thing making it worse is our thoughts and consistently wondering why or what could've triggered this. And even worse, trying to think of a possible solution although, 99% of the time, even if the solution is found, there will be absolutely nothing we can do about it.

Oh by the way, don't get deep thinking and religion/praying mixed up with each other because they are two completely different things. Praying and religion is seeking guidance from God everyday to lead yourself to a life of eternity with him. Thinking deeply is just the questions of what, how, and why this is happening. Thinking deeply is the philosopher route. Praying is the religious route.

My conclusion is that I think SOME philosophers are actually psychotic and mentally unstable because they're wasting their lives trying to influence others about having a positive life. What the hell? That doesn't make any sense whatsoever. And I know many people are going to disagree with me saying that.

BUTTTT a part of me also thinks well hey sometimes we were born to make a difference in other peoples lives and lead others, even if that means making sacrifices upon ourselves. Good point maybe?

In the end the way I see it is that. Thinking about life and death is going to make you depressed because instead of living your life during your time. You're thinking about life, while not living it, during your time. You're not seeking any guidance while thinking consistently about something you can't change, rather you're pretty much wasting time.

"We're all going to die someday." Yeah not shit Sherlock, so just live your life in the moment and quit thinking about it. Why are we thinking about death?

Sometimes I think I might be the insane one for even writing these blog posts ya know?

"If life is spent trying to figure out why life is the way it is, then are you really living life?"

Thanks for reading.

Cheyenne Fuller

https://www.instagram.com/kingofawkward23/
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10 Huge Keys To A Happy/Stress Free Life

It's safe to say that many people in this world are struggling. It doesn't even have to be financially. It could be socially, mentally, or physically.

Whether it be Middle School, High School, College, being a parent, work, relationships, money, divorce, death, etc, it all matter because either way their situation is making them unhappy, stressed out, and uncomfortable about life.

Here's me for a minor example. I say minor because it's not as drastic as being divorced or currently dealing with a death, or no job, absolutely broke, no money, etc. You get the point.

For me, this whole full-time night shift job I've had for 10 months now, along with full-time at college has finally hit me with the consequences. Lack of sleep(3 hours a day) has ruined my thought process and mental skills, along with my diet of constant on-the-go gas station food. Arguing, stressing, and worrying about the future, money, career, goals, and all of that is something I do DAILY, which is absolutely unhealthy, and I know it, but yet the worrying continues. Surprisingly it seems to be the biggest issue for me, and the same could  apply towards you as well.

Despite all the negatives in life, I have found some stress-relieving keys I've set up for myself to constantly remember and use daily in my life every day to influence positive behaviors and happy interactions.

So here are somethings I've learned and incorporated in my life which have made positive changes and have left me less stressed out about life.

1. Organization

Like I said, you can be any age and stressed out, but for me being a third year college student, I have college papers, work papers, medical papers, college fee papers everywhere, along with some of us unfortunate ones who may have added stress of tickets, extra finance, etc. to pay off. So I took a literal 4 hours organizing everything, throwing out the unimportant junk, and scheduling out when to complete these tasks. Things became much easier and less stressful. You're able to actually remember what to do and not to miss any deadlines. Surprisingly(to me), being organized is actually very urgent, and can make drastic changes in our lives.

2. Focus On The Present

My #1 issue that starts all the stress. It's funny how thinking about the future and things that are yet to happen or we don't even know will happen  yet is causing us anger and frustration. One thing leads to another, and the other leads to the other, and so on. If you focus on now, now will lead to later. Thinking about later won't help you complete now. You see what I'm saying? We're living in the moment, that is what life is all about. So think about now and think about later once it becomes later.

“Wherever you are, be there. If you can be fully present now, you’ll know what it means to live.” - Steve Goodier.

3. Fitness/Working Out

Back in High School my best friend Rafael and I used to workout after school all the time, and I loved the feeling afterwards, going home, and just feeling accomplished. Due to all of our busy lives, an excuse of our is that we're too busy to find time to workout and exercise daily. For me personally I have realized how big of a difference this makes in my life. Whatever job or schedule you may have, it may leave you exhausted at the end of the day. Because of my schedule, what I like to do is workout in the mornings because it loosens and wakes me up to start my day. I feel more lively and awake. Basketball and lifting weights in particular are my go to workouts, they energize me. The best part about physical activity, is that it keeps you away from the stress and other things you're constantly worrying about. If you include physical activity in your life every day, you will be a happier person. Just trust me ok?

4. Eating Healthy

So get this, have you ever eaten like a fantastic meal, such as a fantastic salad, or a fruit bowl with all your favorite foods? And you just feel so clean and wonderful after eating it? This is so much different then the feeling after eating candy, gas station food, or fast-food, you just feel "heavy." It's hard to explain. Sorry I'm bad at describing ha.

This could be personal, but I don't see why not it could be general. I've honestly found myself feeling "cleaner" and oddly just much happier after I eat something healthy and non-fattening and greasy. I used to eat a lot of McDonald's, Taco Bell, and those 7-eleven sandwiches, and although it could be argued those places are "healthy." I've changed up my whole routine. I try to eat home as much as possible, but with my schedule which doesn't allow me to eat with my family, or make something by myself. The answers to my problems lately have been the restaurants Chipotle, Subway, Corner Bakery, and this Thai Cuisine place. I know, I know, more expensive and it could get old quick, but trust me, finding yourself a healthy diet is definitely worth the great feeling, especially after a great workout.

5. Acceptance

This is the hardest one to accomplish probably. You've been rejected a job, or declined to a college, or turned down by that guy you like, etc. So obviously you're upset by it and it is frustrating you. But you have to accept the fact that it has already happened and you have to move on right away. Getting mad at something we can't change is a huge part of life, but it's something that triggers the stress and anger in our lives. It's easy to say "get over it, there is nothing you can do about it." but it's not easy to actually do it. But the only thing you can do and have to realize is that being worried over something that has already happened and you can't change will not help you in life and will in fact hinder you. Accept that EVERYONE's life is not 100% happiness. Accept that you aren't perfect and you were never meant to be, Accept that challenges are in fact what make life interesting and the way it is.

6. Laughing And Friends

This one is simple. Do I really have to explain? High School was the BEST time for me when it came to socializing and friends. My best friends and I always stuck with each other. My first year of college at Dallas Baptist University was good too, I had a number of great friends, and at TCC I have a number of four ACTUAL friends I am with on a regular basis. However busy you may be ALWAYS make time for friends and family. They are what make your life a happy life. Even for those struggling with socializing, trust me, there is always going to a number of people in this world who you will be comfortable with and get along with, it's all about initiative and not worrying about rejection. Rejection is just finding out that you and that particular person don't get along.

7. Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

It's pretty evident this is a huge flaw of mine in the past, if you read my "Sorority Girls" or "Having Friends Who Are More Attractive Than You" blog posts then you will know what I mean, but those got a lot of reads, so I'm not deleting them haha.

When you compare yourself to another person, it's almost like you're creating your own little contest to see who is "better" at that particular thing you're comparing about. You see, you have to realize that you and that person may be mutual, but are still two different people, from different people, from different places. You have dealt with different things as well. When you just focus on yourself and improving your well-being you're happier. It's your life. Don't let the people around you influence how you think, especially since they technically aren't doing anything, you're the one doing the comparing. Comparing doesn't change anything. Except a happy mood into a negative one. It does nothing. And is doing something that results in nothing very smart? Nahhhh not really.

8. Music And Alone Time

Another simple key. Music has saved lives. I'm serious. Look up "Sia - Breathe Me" or "Kodaline - The Answer" on YouTube, read the comments and you will see exactly what I mean. Something that relaxes me big time whenever I'm stressed out. Is getting in my car and playing some relaxing music, clearing my mind, as well as mentioned above, basketball, working out, etc. Calming music just eases me mentally and physically. You know what I mean by "calming music", "Coldplay - Clocks", "The Verve - Bittersweet Symphony", "Porter Robinson - Language", etc, Music like that. Yeah I like that shit lol.

Alone time is important because it settles you down and helps you think deeper about your problem and perhaps if you handled it the correct way or even if you should be angry. Or heck! It just helps you forget the problem. Either way, alone time is an obvious way to feeling stress free for a temporary moment.

Conclusion

YOLO. 

I know people hate hearing that but seriously.

Anger, frustration, sadness, depression, and stress.

What is life? I remember to ask myself that every time I get upset because it helps me to remember why I'm on this earth. Not necessarily to make tons of money? Or to have a huge house? Or a really nice car? I think we were all put on this earth to live, to enjoy the moment of life we were given, and then to die. 

We are all stressing over what is going to happen instead of what is happening right now.

We are worrying about the future. The only thing about the future we all know is that death will sometime come upon us and it will all be over, this is why it's important to appreciate have you have, to be happy in the moment, and to love those around you, because you only get one chance.

Life is all about happiness, not what is going to happen.

And isn't this song just incredible?

Thanks For Reading, 

Cheyenne Fuller

https://www.instagram.com/kingofawkward23/
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Dear Dad.

Dear Dad,

Hey. Lol, you know me, I'm a completely different person when writing letters. I guess you never truly knew how awkward I really was back when I was younger and we were all together. I can't remember the last time I've written a letter actually. College applications maybe? Job application? I've really grown up and taken on tons of responsibilities since you've left. But I'm still the same person, with the same thoughts, and I always will be.

Picture Of Dad, Mom, Alex, and I. Before Marcus and Ariel were born.

Ok fine. Dad. I'm just going to say it right now. You and I, we never really had a personal connection. You know those drama/comedy movies we all used to watch back when you were alive? And how the son or daughter could always talk to the father about anything? Well how come we weren't like that?

March 13, 2012. Was that the date? I actually may have forgotten the date you died exactly. Don't be mad at me, you should be happy, staying away from sadness and horrific memories is a good thing. I believe that's the date. Sometimes it feels like yesterday and sometimes it feels like 20 years ago. It really kind of depends on the mood I guess.

Why couldn't we both just be happy? Why did we always have to be angry? I always felt like you and I were always the most upset ones in the family. That maybe our 16 years spent together was a total waste of time and just a huge punishment upon us.

Remember when we were headed to work the summer of June 2011. You told me that out of all the four of us, Alex, Marcus, Ariel, and I, that I definitely resembled you the most, that I was the child version of you and that it made you proud. It made me feel special, but it made me feel weird too.

Deep down I always loved you Dad. Of course I did, I always will. But I never want to be like you. I don't want to resemble you. It hurts ya know? The things you put us through. You know what I mean. I'm not mad though. I forgive you. It was just most of the time.

We still had good times. I miss playing those 70s songs while driving with you. Or those times you would buy Marcus and I those huge sodas and ice cream bars, and then every time we came home Mom would start yelling at us. But you, Marcus, and I would just start laughing hysterically.

I still think it's sad though. Like how the only intimate times I can remember with you is just buying soda and driving in a vehicle. Not to mention it's all that soda and crap that killed you in the first place.

You don't think you could've tried harder? A little harder to make our family an actual family? To make us happy? Why did we seem so fake? Why were we always hurting deep down?

Remember that time you took us fishing? Why the hell did you take us fishing? That was probably the dumbest thing you ever planned hahaha. None of us caught anything and we all came home with mosquito bites.

I know you hate it when I write. If you were alive you'd tell me to delete this. "A blog Cheyenne? What are you some little girl? A weenie?" You're right, I don't know why I have this either. A lot of times I have come close to deleting it. Remember the time you threw away the book I was writing back in 2009? The book I spent 2 hours everyday for 3 months writing? And you threw it away. That was probably the worse thing you ever did to me. I hated you and mom for awhile for doing that. You guys never understood my intentions and always ruined my alone time.

It's ok. It's over. I'm not writing this to bash you. I'm just writing this to get it all out. To tell you everything I just always wanted to tell you. It's all about honesty ya know? You and I sometimes struggled with that in the past.

Do you wanna know what scares me? What really kills me? It's not the fact that you're not here right now. It's the fact that I don't know where you are at all.

I've never been good at showing my emotions or showing how I feel. I mean, I cried when you died, obviously. But I just didn't know what to think at all. You were gone. What I thought didn't matter.

Is it true that you if you die and go to heaven, that you are able to look down on me and see the way I feel? And see the way I do things? Or the way I think? Will you be able to read this Dad? Or am I just wasting my time like usual?

After you died the first thing I asked Mom was, "Is he in heaven Mom?" It took her awhile to answer. "Mom!? Is he in heaven!?" I raised my voice. "Cheyenne please just stop ok!?" She started crying even more and then said. "I just don't know. I don't know where he is."

That's when I broke down. I started to cry. Every time someone dies the whole "Be happy, they are in heaven now" quotes start up. But with you? Why was it different? With you it didn't go that way. And I'm scared Dad. Ok? I'm scared and I always will be. I'm scared that if I die today I'm going to hell and I will never see you. I'm scared that if I change my life around and go to heaven, that I still won't see you. I don't know where you are and I'm afraid I never will know.

Do you want to know the honest truth? You dying made my life better. A lot of horrible things still happened after you died, especially moving to bullshit Texas, but besides all that I feel like my life would've been worse if you were still alive. You were holding us back Dad, and you never realized this.

Many things changed after you died. I was actually able to hang with friends, I got my license and was able to drive, I was able to play basketball in high school, heck, I even lost my virginity! Lol.

None of this and tons more would've happened if you were still alive today. I'd be so depressed right now. It's just my assumption. So many memories with you that I could use to back this up.

So many other things. I think you were too focused on work, money, and manipulation. I'm sorry, it's the way I feel. I hope you understand.

You passing away taught me so much. Family and Friends first. It's all we got. Life is about happiness Dad, that's all you had to realize. All you needed was happiness and everything would've been wonderful. You cared too much about what people thought. You didn't spend enough time with us. We didn't spend enough time with you. It was dysfunctional. We were always alone. I mean geez you moved us up into the mountains with a bunch of weird people who hated us.

You're probably wondering how everyone else is. Marcus is graduating high school soon. He also got a job cashing at Kroger for a little money and is really good at computers and fixing them, you'd be proud of him. Alex has a fantastic job and is doing wonderful at this company. He works in one of those huge buildings near Dallas. You know those cool movie scenes in the city with all those skyscrapers and stuff? You'd be impressed with him. Ariel is soon going to be in high school. You wouldn't believe how tall she is, she's almost taller than Alex and is soon reaching Marcus's and my height.

Mom is good. She spends a lot of time with with her soon to be husband. She seems happier. She's gotten over you. But she hasn't forgotten. I wouldn't know though, my relationship with her is still shaky. I barely see her anymore cause of the job and preparing for the wedding. I know, you would be mad at me for saying that. I'm trying though, it's just hard. She's getting married soon Dad. She's getting married. To Steve Jennings. I think you'd like him though, although you guys are complete opposites hahaha. If you want Mom happy though, you'd be happy that this is happening. Don't be sad. You passing away isn't supposed to mean all of us being sad for the rest of our lives. It's just us moving on, and I know you understand this.

I think you'd be proud of me. Proud and impressed. I always think of you when I do the things I do. The things I have to do and go through. I'm a night shift worker at Kroger, still, for the past year. I work 45 hours a week and go to college full-time. I just finished my second year! 2 more to go man, crazy how time flies huh? I get 4 hours of rest every day. I'm so busy all the time. Don't worry, I still got time for friends and girls. Cause what's life without that? You'd be proud of how hard I'm working. I took after you definitely in that department. I'm studying psychology, but I might change, I don't know to what though. I know I write and think all the time, but to do that for a profession would be depressing in my opinion.

I should probably go, trust me, this letter could be pages long. I have work tonight and need rest, I want to watch the NBA playoffs tomorrow too. I know you never cared about sports, but I hope the Cavs win lol.

I'm going to keep this letter forever, I hope you do too. I miss you and I love you. I hope you miss me too. I hope you're not mad at me for writing this and posting it on my blog. I'm not going to tell anyone I promise. Some people might read it even if I don't post it on social media anyway, like my close friends, or I know Marcus, Alex, and Mom read these sometimes, although they think that I don't know. But just ignore that though ok? This is just for you. I don't know why or what this is supposed to prove, but something told me I had to find a way to get all of this guilt out of me.

I just want you to know that I forgive you, and I hope you forgive me for all the things I said or thought about you in the past. I hope I get to see you Dad. I'm going to keep telling myself that you're in heaven. But it just kills me to know that I still don't know the truth.

My goal is to be a better you. Don't take that the wrong way. Be happy that that's my goal, please. I want four kids too. But I want the order to be girl-boy-boy-girl. Secretly the second child just might be my favorite too, but shhhh don't tell anyone. I hope to see you again, and I hope you're proud of me. I hope you're proud of all of us.

I love you Dad.

I'm glad we had this talk. Until I see you again. Bye.

Cheyenne Fuller.

Awkward And Embarrassing Texas Country Dance Class

This experience happened almost 2 years ago, so it's now acceptable for me to share it without feeling weird haha.

I remember the first time a girl asked me to dance. A GIRL. ASKING ME. TO DANCE. It's usually the other way around ya know? Usually the guy asks the girl, especially here in Texas, they're all about respect, tradition, and all that Texas stuff. Honestly I dunno, but anyway.

It wasn't middle school, it wasn't high school, it was actually college. My first year of college 2014. Dallas Baptist University. It was around the middle of the year and they had a dance going on at the Town Home apartments.. Jonathon, Bill, Adam, Isaac, and all my main friends were all home. They all went home for the weekend. I hated it when they did that.

I'm one of those people who hates staying indoors when you know you have the opportunity to go out and do something. I knew it was a Texas dance thing, and ever since I moved down here I knew the time would come when this two-stepping dance thing would approach me. I was pretty bad. At dancing in general.

But hey, at the same time I put on my "YOLO" attitude and I went to the dance. Alone. No girl, not even a guy.

I arrived a little late on purpose, that way I wouldn't be the in the corner with the cup of punch in his hand watching everyone have fun, while he pretends to have fun even though he isn't.

I happened to see Lawrence there, a friend of mine in Art class. "Ugh thank God." Actually I had just a couple of other friends who were there too, but they were already dancing like they were pros, they had partners already. They were really good, I'll admit it. Or at least they were having so much fun, that it made them look good.

"Why aren't you out there busting moves man?" I asked. "Nah man I don't dance, I'm too stiff for this stuff." he laughed. He was a little taller than me, but had huge arms. Always lifting in the gym. "Yeah well same here, I've just never really learned." I made sure not to crack a Texas joke in front of him, because he was ALL ABOUT TEXAS. I was surprised he couldn't country dance or two-step, geez whatever it's called lol.

"Hey I'll be right back, I'm gonna get some more food, besides, that's the only reason I came anyway." he laughed. He left for his food, and I stood there. At the corner. With punch in my hand. Pretending to have fun.

A guy approached me. He was one of those dudes who always a bit too focused on getting the girls and their attention. They gave him their numbers too, hey but I wouldn't know, I'm assuming. What I do know is one time he got multiple numbers in the same day and made the mistake of texting all of them AT THE SAME TIME. Three of the gals happened to be in the room at the same time, so you know that didn't end to well. But anyways, off topic.

"Hey man why you just standing there all alone and stuff?" he said. "Oh nahhhh I'm here with Lawrence, he just went to go get some food." I said. "You should go and dance man, I've been talking and dancing with pretty girls all night!" he said with a grin on his face.

"That's great man. You should feel good." I said, half sarcastically. As I said that a EXTREMELY ATTRACTIVE BRUNETTE girl approached us. Like dude, she was pretty. "Well hi there!" said he said. "Hi!" she said. They sparked a small-talk convo. I'm assuming they knew each other by the way they were talking. "How's your night been going?" he asked. He kept forcing conversation with her, until she made his mouth drop.

She looked at me, "Well hey I was just wondering if you wanted to come dance with me." she said smiling. Haha wuuutttt. I felt like a 7th grader in a middle school drama movie. "Oh were ya wondering now?" I grinned like an idiot, but my heart was racing simply because I was going to look like an idiot out there. "Well as much as I'd love to, I'd rather not embarrass ourselves out there, or you at least." I said, forcing a fake laugh.. "Aww that's too bad...well I can teach you!!" she said smiling. I couldn't believe this was happening.

"Trust me I would absolutely love to...but yeahhhh...." I said, trying to sound "slick." though. "Well gee, thanks, I guess I'll see you around, have a nice night!" We exchanged names. "Well hey I'll dance with you!" exclaimed the guy. "Haha well sure!" she said. He quickly looked back at me and winked. "Catch ya later man!" Definitely felt like a movie scene. "I hope he trips and falls or something." I thought at the moment. I know I'm really mean.


And of course there were some guys who knew me, who suddenly came over, surrounded at the scene. "Daaaaang boy, you gonna get let that thang slip away from you???? Daaaaaang boy, she lookin fiiinnneeee boy!" they kept exclaiming. "I don't know how to dance guys." I said laughing. They started laughing too. "Boy you messed up boy. boy you messed up boy." they kept repeating. I left. I had no time for this. My fault, insecurity hit me hard that day.

A week later.

My friends Alex and Emily invited me over to a dance party in Dallas. Apparently it was a good price. "I'm not paying money to look like a fool, sorry guys." I said grinning. "I'll pay for you! Just geez! Come on!"exclaimed Alex. "Uhhh sure. I guess I'm not doing anything." I said. It never hurt to learn something new right?

We arrived and immediately I was disappointed. They told me it was a party, not a two-steppng dance class!! "Uhh yeah on second thought guys, I think I'll wait in the car." I said. "Don't be silly! The class is an hour long, and after that it's freestyle!" exclaimed Emily. "Besides we're paying for you remember? So you better not bail kid." said Alex laughing.

Alex was in a good mood because she got to see her friend and be his dance partner. Emily went with some other dude she knew. Greeeeaaaatttt I gotta be with a stranger.

"Ok everybody! We're all gonna get started here!" said the instructor. It was both a man and a lady. "Get in a large circle everyone!!" exclaimed the man with a huge high-pitched southern accent. "I knew this was going to happen at some point in my life when I moved down here." I thought to myself. I pictured it ever since.

I remember it as it were yesterday. They spent 5 minutes talking about the fundamentals, "safety", and making your partner feel comfortable and all that good stuff. Now it was the worst part. They had the men get in a circle and the ladies get in a circle.

"I see some of you have come together with your lover and such!" He started laughing hysterically. "Well that's too bad because in order for you to dance, you're going to have to do it with strangers you don't know!!" he kept laughing and laughing, more than he really should've been.

"Face your partner!" he said. I quickly got in a position where I could be with Emily. I didn't give a care in the world if I messed up in front of her lol. "Gentleman, place your right hand on her left shoulder.....blah blah blah." I had no rhythm whatsoever, but Emily was no queen either, so we just laughed it off. Until the instructor came. "Hahaha oh no no no no NO!" Everyone was watching us now. He adjusted where my arm should be, and played the music again. We swayed in the most AWKWARD dysfunctional positions possible, my knee hit her knee and as I would sway back, she would sway forward, it was absolutely brutal to watch and do.

Everyone just looked at us in silence. Complete silence. I could feel my forehead beginning to sweat. "Ugh this feels WEEEIIIRDDD." Emily blurted out. A couple of chuckles were heard in the background. The instructor walked away, "It's ok! It's ok! You guys will get the hang of it! Now everyone! it's time to switch partners!!"

Ok this is going to sound absolutely horrible, but I was hoping I WOULDN'T end up with anyone attractive. I would feel less embarrassed and guilty if I were to mess up with an average looking middle aged woman, than an attractive 20 year old. It's a psychological jerk kinda thing. Does that make sense? No? I know I'm pretty weird.

We all rotated, and a lady who looked to be around the age of 70 became my partner. "Ooooh hoooo hoooo hooo. I sure hope you were listening because I'm ready to get groovy!!" she said smiling. I smiled back weakly. The instructor played the music, I glanced over at Alex and Emily and saw that they were dancing perfectly fine. Old lady and I started "dancing." "Oh no no no!" she said. She started slapping my hand lightly. "Put your hand here and move with the beat of the music." she said. As she swayed back, I swayed back and almost lost my balance, messing up again.

I looked like this cat sorta lol.

She sighed, "It's ok it's ok, we'll get through this." she groaned, kind of loudly. I had a group of people watching us now. We tried it one last time. We had to do the move where you spin the lady around. I moved my arms out upward and tried to spin her, but did it at the wrong time, causing it to be misplaced. "Oh Lord!" She lost her balance and almost fell to her side, then caught her balance, than lost it again, than finally caught her balance, huffing and puffing. It looked like one of those clips off of America's Funniest Home videos of the old people running forward trying to catch their balance, then end up falling. I was moving back and forth in the most awkward swaying position, just tightly gripping her shoulder making sure she didn't fall. The instructor ran toward us as if it were a state champion race. "Are you guys ok??" "Yes yes yes, just trying to figure things out." the old lady puffed. I was sweating like crazy now. Felt like 100 degrees in the room. Everyone was watching again. "We were all beginners at one point." she said half-smiling. "Oh geez." I thought to myself.

"Time to switch partners now everyone!!" My worst fear was about to happen. I became partners with a girl who looked around my age. Attractive of course, blonde. Just a little taller than me around 5'11 or 6'0, she was wearing tall shoes. Stunning. The instructor added another move to the dance. It was a double spin type of thing, I forgot what it was called but I was dreading this.

"Alright and go!" He started the music. I payed attention and everything but it just got worst and worst...

FIRST try I tried to spin her around and my elbow hit her nose. "Haha ouch." she said softly. "Oh geez I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry." I said. "It's fine, It's fine." she said. We got back to the basic beginning, we swayed back and forth, it went fine for like 10 seconds until I lost the beat, tensed up and accidentally kneed her around her thigh area. It got extremely awkward, we lost beat and just ended up standing there as my hand was still on her shoulder, both of us refusing to look at each other. "Keep dancing! Keep dancing! Don't stop!"

We tried again, without saying a word to each other, and then I, no lie, STEPPED on her foot. "Ahhh oh, ouch haha." she said, trying to be nice about it. She let go of my hand and wobbled over to the nearest chair. The music stopped. "Hey are you ok?" asked a boy running over to her, I'm guessing it was her boyfriend. He looked at me. "Don't worry bout it bud, we're all not pros." he grinned. Nice guy. The instructor didn't seem to notice though. "Ok switch partners!" "Well I dunno if I wanna be his partner.." I heard a lady mutter, who was supposed to be my next dance partner.

This was key for "Get the heck out of here."

I quickly walked fast over to the door. "Hey you're supposed to be my partner!" I heard the middle-aged woman yell over to me. I now immaturely SPRINTED out of the room, everyone watching me! "Hey where you going!? You'll never learn if you don't try!..." I didn't know where to go, it was raining outside and Alex had the keys to the car. I locked myself into a bathroom stall.

Hahahahahaha I couldn't believe this was happening. "This is elementary school stuff here." I thought to myself. Hiding in a bathroom. Really?

"Is he in here?" I heard two gentleman talking. I quickly hopped onto the toilet and  ducked my head so they wouldn't see my feet. "Nah guess not." they left. I got multiple text messages from Alex. "Hey where'd you go? Where'd you go?" I ignored them.

I waited in there for 5 minutes, then went into another room that had a pool table and made friends with some dudes. Alex and Emily constantly kept calling me so I finally came to them.

"Where were you?? Geez we were looking all over for you and calling!" they said. "Yeah yeah, I had a stomach ache." I said. "Well come on! The lessons are over and we can just dance up there now!" "Haha I'm not going back up there, did you see how embarrassing that was??"

They made me go anyways.

So yep. I spent the night as I described a few paragraphs above. In the corner, with a cup of punch in my hand, watching everyone have fun, as I pretended to have fun, even though I really wasn't. All the ladies I messed up with during the lessons were glancing at me, quickly looking away, and then glancing again.

I went on my phone. Facebook. First post that shows up, coincidentally, on her status says "Big trucks and country dancing <3." I exited the app immediately lol. And put my phone back in my pocket. And stood there. All night until we left.

The End.

Thanks for reading fellas, lady fellas. Huge respect to the men who know how to dance, seriously credit to you guys, I think it's pretty tough.

Cheyenne Fuller

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Dating In Elementary School

I never really got into girls until I reached the 7th grade, which still today, I believe 13 years old is the "appropriate" age for some specific "dating" or "more than friends" activities or whatever, of course depending on the specifics of what you're actually doing...

But geeeezzzz when I was 9, 10, 11, years old I was totally content on just laughing and having fun. I was never afraid to approach or talk to girls or whatever back in elementary school because I was never attracted to them! You just thought of them as another friend and nothing more. I simply wasn't interested in any of that, which I believe is completely more than normal.

I wouldn't say the "generation is changing" or whatever and make it seem like we need to make a stand and unite or whatever, but holy smokes where are some of the parents nowadays?

Every day I make an effort to go to the local community center and play basketball, and a week ago as I came in and approached the gym, I saw two kids, a girl and a boy, sitting on the bench. The girl was sitting on the boy's lap and he had his arm around her as he caressed her hair and kept whispering in her ear. He had a Monster labeled hat on backwards and those way-too-long for him blue jean shorts on. One of those kids haha.

"Wooooooowwww ok." I muttered. I ignored it, threw on my headphones and starting shooting some hoops. But I couldn't believe my eyes when they started making out. I kid you not. No lie. They didn't even care that I was right there.

As I took my headphones off to eavesdrop on them, his exact words to this girl:

"Damn baby girl, you just don't understand how much you mean to me, I just don't know where I'd be without you." he said, giving her the most corniest look I've ever seen.

"Damn baby girl?!" "I don't know where I'd be without you?!" Kid you're not even in middle school yet! What the heck!? No one that young NEEDS a "relationship" and in fact no one that young should WANT a relationship.

So the first thing I thought is, "Yep this is going on my blog."

"Hey how old are you guys?" I said over at them, not giving one care in the world. "I'm 11." answered the boy. "Im 10 and why you asking?" asked the girl. They were both surprisingly polite with smiles though. I continued playing ball without an answer back.

Finally after a couple of minutes, the guy at the front desk came into the gym. "Ok no, not at all. You guys can't be doing that in here. Are you serious? Please leave, no tolerance for that here." he said.

I just don't get it! Things I liked to do when I was 11 years old was play sports, eat food, watch television, video games, water fights, mess with my siblings, and just come up with creative ideas. But making out with a girl? Taking her to the movies? BUYING her popcorn?  HECK NO. Nope. I mean that's normal right?

The most funniest part about seeing a elementary school kid "dating" someone is when you get a look at their social media profile. Some kid back in Montana always asked to play basketball with me, and kinda looked up to me. He ended up finding my instagram account and following me a couple of weeks later, so I followed him back.

His account was just picture after picture of his "girlfriend" and captions with some overly-corny but yet caring things ever that just made me smile looking at it. Here's an example of one of his:

#sexysunday. But what is so sexy about being 10 years old? Someone please explain.

What is even worse is that social media such as Instagram(the main one) allows these kids to follow mutual people they don't even know and add them and talk to them. They then "fall in love" with some stranger after a freakin 10 minutes of talking and announce that they are in love and start posting their way-to-close-up selfie of their significant other. This happens more than you people think and it's a wonder to why the adults don't even know about this.

So anyway,  SOME of these little boys have no mercy and are able to make out with these easily persuaded little girls being like 10 years old. And don't get this post wrong, because I'm assuming most parents still know how to actually parent their kids, but I'm just seeing more and more of this as time progresses in my life.

So what happens is that these elementary kids see all these things on social media/television/online and their definition of dating is now considered accurate to what they see, which is sexual content/making out and things like that and they don't consider or know that their age is....I dunno? Applicable to it?

The way I saw it, is that in Elementary School and Middle School you were never actually "dating." You just liked each other, even if that meant kissing every once in awhile or holding hands. But the ACTUAL dating part doesn't start until after puberty. Like age 14 or 15. When you're more mature. Making the next step, making out, yeah yeah yeah, all that stuff. When you're actually physically and mentally starting to grow and expand your knowledge in such things. There is no rule about this, but isn't that usually how it works? Isn't that fair?

Kids have guts nowadays is all I have to say. Because even if I did have an Iphone or a smartphone back when I was 10 years old and had access to all the junk that everyone has access to now, I STILL wouldn't even have the guts to HOLD a girl's hand. Half these elementary kids are smoother than ME!

The first time I ever kissed a girl I was 12 years old and it felt awesome. We were holding hands, it was the last day of school, time for summer. We were about to part ways, my friends were waiting for me. "Ok well bye" I said. "Bye." she said back. "No no no, you'll regret ending it like this you coward. Make the move." I thought to myself. "Wait, is it ok if I kiss you?" I asked walking towards her again. I thought I was going to have a heart attack."It's about time you asked." she said. It lasted like two seconds. "Haha that was cool." I said with an awkward grin. "Yeah." she said. Then we stood there in silence. CRINGE.

I still believe moments like that are more special than what kids are experiencing now. Now elementary kids are dating for like a week and "breaking up" and "getting back together" and having their hearts "torn apart." Acting like the world is coming to an end. Their faces glued to their phones, some don't even know what childhood is because they're too engrossed in having the cool clothes, trying to impress others, and having "relationships" in my opinion ruining true happiness and the fun of childhood and making it all a competition at way too early of a stage, save that crap for high school. This is just pathetic, they don't know what they want yet.

"I broke up with him, it just wasn't working out. I need some space." says some elementary school girl. LOL ARE YOU KIDDING ME? SOME SPACE!?

I'm sorry but every time I hear about some little kids "breaking up" I think it's a little funny, and I know that is mean because even though they're so young, they still have feelings.

I personally feel that liking someone in elementary school is completely normal and fine, but dating? Like what is the point? There is absolutely no point. You're going to see this person in school every day, so why do you need a phone? Or their number? Or need to take them out on a movie? Some elementary kids go on movie dates, like they'll literally buy the popcorn and drink for the girl. Pshhhh heck no, I'd never do that if I were 10 years old, get your own popcorn, this is my money. 

My point is that, it's ok to like someone no matter what age, but now these kids have been introduced to the media they see on their devices, and now it has been pressed into their brains that it is a huge deal to kiss a girl, or take her out, or always be texting her, when it is not a huge deal at all. Especially at their age.

The only thing it will lead to is what I like to call "fake heartbreak", and kids "thinking their sad." I say this because being a kid is just supposed to be learning in school, laughing, and having fun. And it is very foolish to be 10 years old and sad because a girl "broke up" with you. They never knew if they actually wanted them in the first place, because they're still at the age where they don't know what their future holds and what they're actual life plan is. The feelings were never emotionally and mentally stable in the first place due to lack of development in these silly brains of these children.

School dances and attractions usually start in middle school(12 &13 years old), that's the way I thought it always was. When the first kisses start happening and the texting starts happening. And realistically, I thought actual physical contact started at age 14 or 15 after puberty and that this would be a necessary age to start actually taking dating seriously and knowing if you actually like the way this person makes you feel, but it's me talking here, I don't know much.

I know, I know this isn't a big deal people. But what are your thoughts on little 11 year olds making out? Is that normal? Huh Dad? Huh Mom? Do you like that your kid is making out with another kid? Let me know parents. Let me know what age you'd let your kids start "dating" haha. Let me know what you think about this post and enjoy this picture of me back in elementary school.

Ok bye now, rant over.

Cheyenne Fuller

https://www.instagram.com/kingofawkward23/
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10 Extremely Catchy Songs You've Never Heard

I've been on a tear lately. I haven't been going out or anything, I've been staying home and discovering so many music artists and being the annoying hipster who boasts to others about how I heard it first, or I know more artists than them. Lol sorry.

These songs will have you playing them on repeat and dancing like crazy!

Ok in all seriousness though, everyone has different tastes, etc. These feature genres ranging from rock to experimental, so tell me what you think.

Anyway here are some songs I doubt you all have heard, but thanks to yours truly Cheyenne Fuller....

1. De Lux - Oh Man The Future

This band De Lux has the catchiest music! I found this song last year, it never fails to make me dance, plus I love the guys moves on this song hahaha

2. Body Language - Really Love

It wouldn't let me load the music video for some reason. Anyway, this song is sooooo catchy, and it's not even as popular as it should be. I found it a couple months back.

3. My Chemical Romance - Vampire Money

Dude. This has to be the catchiest one on this list. My Chemical Romance is a very known band, but this song is overshadowed by their more popular ones. Their most underrated song no doubt, and when the guitar solo hits I go absolutely insane. I once listened to this song 15 times in a row while at work, no joke.

4. Powers - Hot

This song should have over a million views, it barely has 20,000. I already know all of you will love this one. I absolutely love this artist. This song is gold.

5. Miami Horror - Out Of Sight

I bet NONE of you can listen to this whole song without dancing, tapping your feet, or any movement. I catch myself dancing to this all the time. Can you believe this only has 2,000 views!? I'm so awesome for finding this!

6. Coleman Hell - Thumbalina

Just like "Vampire Money" I ended up listening to this song multiple times in a row when I first found it last year. Coleman Hell has a great voice. It's one of those songs that I can't explain why I like it. It's catchy and lovely.

7. The Shoes - Time To Dance

This is the song that made me want to write this blog post in the first. The video also makes it all the better because it has Jake Gyllenhaal. 1:40 when the actual song starts gets me bouncing in my seat hahaha. It makes me want to exercise. This song does have 5,000,000 views though, but nonetheless I had to post it.

8. The Maine - Love And Drugs

Another underrated rock song. Once the chorus hits I can't help but sing along.

Last night I did things
My mother told me not to with the people I shouldn't see,
In the places that I should not go
And it felt just like, and it felt just like,
And it felt just like, and it felt just like,
And it felt just like, and it felt just like
It felt just like love and drugs.

Absolutely fantastic song.

9. MO- Kamikaze

Ok I lied, of all the songs, this one is probably one you may have heard. It came out 4 months ago and has 11,000,000 views. My friends praise me for showing it to them, one time we were coming home from a good night and had it on repeat ALL NIGHT. I can't stop listening to it, it never gets old. I even came up with my own stupid dance I do with it. MO became popular because of her collaborations with Major Lazer, a popular artist who isn't really my cup of tea, but nonetheless MO's music is really good. And this is by far my fave song from her along with "Glass" and "Waste Of Time."

10. RAC - 405

This song is my "Go on a drive and just think about life" song. It makes me happy and sad at the same time. Nonetheless a very catchy one. RAC is one of my favorite music artists FYI.

The GPS will tell us we've arrived, but all I want to do today is drive, drive, drive."


It's ok I understand, when you're playing these songs with your friends, you're not gonna be all like "Oh yeah dawg, I got this from Cheyenne's Fuller blog, that guy is a genius!!"(;

Anyway, you're welcome.

Thanks for reading and listening

Cheyenne Fuller

https://www.instagram.com/kingofawkward23/
https://twitter.com/kingofawkward23

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