I've creeped on some of the other blogs some of my acquaintances and people I don't know well. "Ok well I went here today blah blah, coffee addict blah blah, my testimony blah blah, cool pictures I took at the city today blah blah. I get it, you're life is interesting. That's why I try my best not to talk about myself in my blog and about how "happy" I am all the time, sometimes reading the reality is nice too ya know. It's annoying. You all seem like the same people when I read your blog. You all are so cliche. I don't want my blog to be like that. I just don't even know what I want. The difference between me and all those other people's blogs is that I'm being 100% real with you and I'm not telling you stuff you already know. I'm telling you my mind, maybe stuff you wonder about too, but you're too embarrassed to say because it's awkward. That's when I come in. I don't care if you think I'm weird or awkward, I'll tell it as it is haha. That's life. Why are we all so embarrassed all the time?
"Geez you're so weird Cheyenne, why are you even doing this?" Because it's people like you that make people like me do this so I can talk about ignorant people like you. I can't be the only person who thinks how I think. I can't be the only person who is introverted but has a lot of great friends, willing to explore and expand their life, try new things, and wander off into a majestic state of mind, but constantly and constantly thinking about life. Gosh I hate getting so deep. I'm such a deep person. I don't even know what I'm talking about. I'm just typing away as I think. I am who I am.
Do you ever just think yourself up a new life? I know it's weird. You're just somewhere quiet and you're thinking about your life, but it's not your ACTUAL life. It's people you wish you were with, perhaps people you know or even people that aren't even real in a wonderful place doing wonderful things? You're living this fantastic life and doing whatever your mind wants you to do. Too bad it's not real but you're just thinking so deep about it that it almost seems real?
WOW I had to stop myself, now that's just too deep. I'm sorry. Let's put it this way. You sometimes go on walks right? I love going all walks. I really wish I had a cute girl I could go on walks with, maybe a picnic, hike a mountain with blankets, watch the sunset, ditch the technology. No social media allowed. I'm simple ya know? I want my focus on you and you only. Instead of cliche coffee shops with cliche bands and cliche pictures of you in front of your cityview , your date, and your food, posting it on Instagram. "Oh My 200 likes!" Why can't there be more simple people in this world, more creative simple people? People who don't care about social media likes, amount of friends, trying to look cool all the time. Just live life and love. Sorry I got off subject. Hey one thing you should love about my blog is that I'm 100% real, I type EVERYTHING that's on my mind. Sometimes that's a bad thing. Whatever.
I get jealous. I'll see a couple kissing happily, telling each other how much in love they are, I'll see someone driving a nice vehicle with a stupid grin, "livin like Larry." lol, I'll see a family in a restaurant having the time of their lives happy and smiling. Then there's me. Sure I have plenty of great friends and we have great moments, but I want more. Some people don't even have friends. Geez that would suck. "Mom I'm taking a walk!" "Don't you go anywhere else Cheyenne! I'm watching you."
That's because when I was younger I always found a creative, out of the ordinary way to solve my solutions and do what I wanted because my parents wouldn't let me, which gave me great memories, but ended up with huge consequences from my parents. The older I'm getting, the less creative I'm becoming. The older you get, the more money you need to be creative I guess. Whenever I was bored I would go on a walk, and bring my phone. I NEEDED music. Usually Electronic/Indie/Experimental/Alternative/Bass music was my walk music. Sometimes I would listen to all genres and pretend I was a music artist, I would be on stage and all of the people I know in life would be at my concert listening to me. I would get all the girls, fame, money and everything. I would "win" the girl and we would have the time of our lives. Living in my sick apartment, we wouldn't have to work a day in our lives. I would constantly come up with creative ideas for us to keep having fun. We'd hop into my car, maybe an Aston Martin. I wouldn't rev the engine like a douchebag. "Hey you need a ride man?" "Wow thanks dude! Cool car!" "Cheyenne you're such a sweetheart!" my dream girl would say. We'd speed along the highway, driving randomly, finding random places and meeting new people. We'd watch the sunset together, lean closer and closer. Nothing to worry about in life, we own the world. Just about to kiss her soft lips and then BOOM.
Reality hits. I'd be walking down the road thinking about this and then "Hey bro you look a little lost or something hahaha!" says some asshole in his Camaro with his girlfriend(this actually happened.) It wasn't the same couple from the last post though, this couple had a white Camaro. He then revs his engine and drives off. Leaving dust in my face. Nice. Now I lost all deep thought and I was mad too. His girlfriend was hot. I plugged my earphones back in and continued my "fake life." Then reality hit again.
Do you ever spend a whole day just watching Netflix and not talking to people? I don't. I actually like people and being around my friends. But anyway once you finally climb out of your introvert cave it's hard to talk to people again right? That's exactly how it feels after you've been walking with your music on and in deep thought for most of the day. Sometimes I would do this before school started in high school or before I ate dinner at the cafeteria. I had all my friends and stuff, most of everyone knew me(small campus). But I still felt weird. I didn't want to talk to anyone, I wasn't fully in reality yet, until someone would come up to me. "Hey bro! Wassup man? Yo ma dawg was goin on homie!?" "Hey Cheyenne how are you? Lookin good Cheyenne! Hey come sit next to us dude!" Haha my confidence would go back up and now I was back in reality. Reality suddenly felt good. I love my friends. I love my life. But at the same time I don't.
I promise I'm not crazy. Or maybe I am? Who knows? Everyone says that though. But I'm serious. I just don't know lol. I mean maybe you read my blog to laugh at me with your friends? Maybe you read it because you are my friend? Maybe you struggle in life and read my blog to get a boost of confidence? Maybe you relate to me? My blog to be our little place where we share feelings maybe. It's not my blog, it's our blog right? I realized that I do life better when I think less. I'm more confident, I have more fun, and I don't worry about consequences. We are young haha.
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